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Pete Davidson Buys Tampa News Force

OJ Kanye Pete

Pete Davidson of SNL fame has announced plans to purchase the majority ownership of THIS PUBLICATION! [Tampa News Force] “I’ve been trying to find new things to get my mind off of the crazy stuff happening to me right now,” said Davidson during a heavy weed smoking session with current TNF owner, OJ Simpson “I…

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To celebrate Labor Day, Tampa News Force decides to pay its staff!

tnf money

For just one special day in honor of our nations great labor history and to reward our wonderful writers for their brilliant work, multi-millionaire TV star John Jacobs, and newspaper mogul Clark Brooks have decided to hurl handfuls of loose coins from the luxurious executive balcony where editors reside down toward the alley where TNF…

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Tampa News Force acquires this thing

Dome

Yesterday, at an online auction intended to liquidate the asset inventory of the recently closed Tampa Grand Prix family fun center, we bought the geodesic dome structure shown in the photo accompanying this article. Also this photo: “After we failed in our bid to purchase the old, used parade float from Tampa’s Bonney-Read Krewe, we…

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Future news: Lightning win 65th consecutive Stanley Cup

Future Man

A man claiming to be from the future is claiming that the Lightning win 65 straight Stanley Cups in the coming years. Jedidiah Bunchkin, a professional time traveler, showed up to the Tampa News Force offices and said that the Lightning would win 65 championships in the future, and I told him that we lost…

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Tampa Bay Lightning changes their name to Tampa Bay Pikachus

TB Pikachu

In a shocking first this week, the now former Tampa Bay Lightning have become the first major US sports team to change their mascot to a Pokémon. With abstract and fantasy based mascots like the Dragons, the Heat, and Jazz, this natural progression in branding seems almost inevitable.  “As long as it still relates to…

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Tampa prostitute wins TIME’s Person of the Year

Time

A Tampa prostitute named Merth has won TIME magazine’s Person of the Year title, after a unique story which has led to Tampa becoming one of the most popular places in the country. Her story began at the Sunoco gas station on the corner of Columbus and Nebraska Ave. “A man in a pick up…

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NOMINATE US!

BOTB22

The nominations for the 2022 Best of the Bay Awards, presented by Creative Loafing, are now open! Let’s just skip all the bullshit: We want an award and the only way we will get one is to first, get nominated and then second, get voted for. We’ll bug you about the second part later, but…

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Tampa News Force honored with Good Taste award

Toilet Destroyed

The National Society for the Advancement of Understatement and Decency (NSAUD) has awarded the Gold Ribbon of Superior Excellence to Tampa News Force (TNF) for refraining from using a popular photograph that has been circulating on the internet recently for the sake of a cheap and easy joke. The photo is of a toilet that…

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An incredible, $pecial opportunity for Mr. Elon Musk

Elon Musk

Dear Mr. Elon Musk, Hi. How are you? We are Tampa News Force and we have been following recent news reports that you are interested in purchasing Twitter for $43,000,000,000.00. We think that’s a fantastic idea! The only thing better than being prolific on a popular social media platform is owning a popular social media…

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