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Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh stops cleaning out fleshlight

Kavanaugh Fleshlight

Through the Freedom of Information act, a schedule of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanugh’s recent visits to the urologist have been released. The nature of the visits are protected by HIPAA but through an exclusive interview with an employee of the office who wished to remain anonymous, it seems the early draft of the now…

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Gasworx to be powered by farts

Randy Gasworx

The new Ybor City development consisting of apartments, dog tracks, and laser tag venues will be fueled strictly by human farts. “Yup, drop your pants and rip into this tube.” Said Randy a guy who told us he worked for the new multi-trillion dollar real estate deal. He walked us through a bunch of broken…

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5 reasons not to kill yourself

Sad Sunset

You might upset at least 1 person Odds are, at the very least, 1 person cares about you a little bit. Even if you don’t have any friends or family, you’re probably important to someone, and if not important, maybe you bring the tiniest bit of joy to their life. If you are completely certain…

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Plato’s Closet announces “coming out” specials

Platos

The thrift clothing franchise Plato’s Closet has announced that all stores will now begin offering special discounts if you’re willing to announce to the world that you’re homosexual at one of their stores as part of an online promotion. If you stand in front of the counter, and announce on their local branch’s FaceBook Live…

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Tampa weather changes

Tampa Weather Changes

In a global move, the planet is now on a different part of it’s galactic axis, causing the weather to change in Tampa. It’s no longer how it was the other day. It’s different now. So times it gets colder than it normally does. Not quite as hot. But still hot. Pretty hot. Kind of…

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Coronavirus challenge explodes on Tik Tok

Sleep

“Groups of children will circle around one of their friends and all begin coughing on them at the same time until they wake up, then they pour a bowl of bat soup onto their head and chant the lyrics of that old Busta Rhymes song, but instead of ‘Woohaa,’ they shout, ‘Wuhan!’”

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Martin Luther WingHouse opens for black history month

Kinghouse Girls

A WingHouse in Clearwater has changed it’s sign to read “Martin Luther WingHouse” in commemoration of black history month. Through the month of February the location will offer special items on it’s menu to honor Dr. King such as the, “I have a dream” chicken basket which will include a mixture of white and black…

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Castor and Bloomberg accidentally kiss at breakfast meeting

Jane Castor and Mike Bloomberg accidentally kiss during meeting

News of Tampa Mayor Jane Castor, and 2020 Presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg accidentally kissing when they met for a publicity breakfast last week broke this morning. “I saw it happen, he kissed her right on the lips.” Said Denver Enkmin, patron of the Diner when the event took place. “He was walking up to shake…

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Ybor shoe licker exclusively switches to gloves

Gloves

During a crowded gathering in front of New York New York Pizza; Jaime Redacted, also known most commonly as ‘The Shoe Licker’ or ‘Ybor Shoe Licker’, approached the crowd of bar goers and general citizens of the Ybor Strip; standing on a table stating “Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I have gathered all you all…

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