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Guy forgets headline, publishes article anyway

Lost Headline

I also forgot the article too. My boss is going to have his way with me when he sees this. But screw it, I don’t care anymore. What’s he going to do, fire me? He has nobody else! Literally! I look up and down my hallway and every office has cleared out! It’s me, the…

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Roller rink turns out to be bloody pit of living demon teeth

Roller Skaters

What some originally thought was a discotek roller rink has actually turned out to be a living, evil, demonic pit full of razor sharp teeth, swallowing and killing anything that interacts with it. Why it was confused as a roller rink is not clear. “It doesn’t look like a roller rink, who said this was…

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Future news: Lightning win 65th consecutive Stanley Cup

Future Man

A man claiming to be from the future is claiming that the Lightning win 65 straight Stanley Cups in the coming years. Jedidiah Bunchkin, a professional time traveler, showed up to the Tampa News Force offices and said that the Lightning would win 65 championships in the future, and I told him that we lost…

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Tampa Bay Lightning changes their name to Tampa Bay Pikachus

TB Pikachu

In a shocking first this week, the now former Tampa Bay Lightning have become the first major US sports team to change their mascot to a Pokémon. With abstract and fantasy based mascots like the Dragons, the Heat, and Jazz, this natural progression in branding seems almost inevitable.  “As long as it still relates to…

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Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh stops cleaning out fleshlight

Kavanaugh Fleshlight

Through the Freedom of Information act, a schedule of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanugh’s recent visits to the urologist have been released. The nature of the visits are protected by HIPAA but through an exclusive interview with an employee of the office who wished to remain anonymous, it seems the early draft of the now…

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Gasworx to be powered by farts

Randy Gasworx

The new Ybor City development consisting of apartments, dog tracks, and laser tag venues will be fueled strictly by human farts. “Yup, drop your pants and rip into this tube.” Said Randy a guy who told us he worked for the new multi-trillion dollar real estate deal. He walked us through a bunch of broken…

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5 reasons not to kill yourself

Sad Sunset

You might upset at least 1 person Odds are, at the very least, 1 person cares about you a little bit. Even if you don’t have any friends or family, you’re probably important to someone, and if not important, maybe you bring the tiniest bit of joy to their life. If you are completely certain…

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Plato’s Closet announces “coming out” specials

Platos

The thrift clothing franchise Plato’s Closet has announced that all stores will now begin offering special discounts if you’re willing to announce to the world that you’re homosexual at one of their stores as part of an online promotion. If you stand in front of the counter, and announce on their local branch’s FaceBook Live…

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Tampa weather changes

Tampa Weather Changes

In a global move, the planet is now on a different part of it’s galactic axis, causing the weather to change in Tampa. It’s no longer how it was the other day. It’s different now. So times it gets colder than it normally does. Not quite as hot. But still hot. Pretty hot. Kind of…

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