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Plato’s Closet announces “coming out” specials

Platos

The thrift clothing franchise Plato’s Closet has announced that all stores will now begin offering special discounts if you’re willing to announce to the world that you’re homosexual at one of their stores as part of an online promotion. If you stand in front of the counter, and announce on their local branch’s FaceBook Live…

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Tampa weather changes

Tampa Weather Changes

In a global move, the planet is now on a different part of it’s galactic axis, causing the weather to change in Tampa. It’s no longer how it was the other day. It’s different now. So times it gets colder than it normally does. Not quite as hot. But still hot. Pretty hot. Kind of…

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Coronavirus challenge explodes on Tik Tok

Sleep

“Groups of children will circle around one of their friends and all begin coughing on them at the same time until they wake up, then they pour a bowl of bat soup onto their head and chant the lyrics of that old Busta Rhymes song, but instead of ‘Woohaa,’ they shout, ‘Wuhan!’”

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Martin Luther WingHouse opens for black history month

Kinghouse Girls

A WingHouse in Clearwater has changed it’s sign to read “Martin Luther WingHouse” in commemoration of black history month. Through the month of February the location will offer special items on it’s menu to honor Dr. King such as the, “I have a dream” chicken basket which will include a mixture of white and black…

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Castor and Bloomberg accidentally kiss at breakfast meeting

Jane Castor and Mike Bloomberg accidentally kiss during meeting

News of Tampa Mayor Jane Castor, and 2020 Presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg accidentally kissing when they met for a publicity breakfast last week broke this morning. “I saw it happen, he kissed her right on the lips.” Said Denver Enkmin, patron of the Diner when the event took place. “He was walking up to shake…

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Ybor shoe licker exclusively switches to gloves

Gloves

During a crowded gathering in front of New York New York Pizza; Jaime Redacted, also known most commonly as ‘The Shoe Licker’ or ‘Ybor Shoe Licker’, approached the crowd of bar goers and general citizens of the Ybor Strip; standing on a table stating “Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I have gathered all you all…

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Cemetery not found underneath Best Buy

Turns out that the Best Buy on Dale Mabry is the only place in Tampa not built on top of a forgotten cemetery

The Best Buy located on North Dale Mabry is officially the only structure in Tampa that is not located on top of an abandoned cemetery, studies concluded. After a full infrared scan of Tampa, it was discovered that every single plot of land contained a forgotten cemetery, complete with caskets and corpses. “It’s amazing, because…

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Tampa News Force shadow banned

The OJ Simpson Owned Tampa News Force has been shadowbanned on all social media

The Tampa News Force organization has been shadow banned on all social media according to new findings amongst the TNF developmental team. “It doesn’t make sense.” Claims senior marketing strategist Melton Fury. “I’ve been working with the company for a year now, and it’s only gotten less and less popular as time goes by.” Fury…

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Brandon, Seffner, Valrico combine as one community named “Three Amigos”

The Three Amigos Community formed encompassing Valrico, Brandon and Seffner

Brandon, Seffner, and Valrico have merged to create a new community named, “Three Amigos.” The local governments of each county were participating in a intramural kickball league, when after running through 15 cases of Michelob Ultra, they voted unanimously to become one community that would share all the benefits they each individually reaped. “Valrico’s got…

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