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Sex With Pregnant Women Now Illegal in Florida

No Sex With Pregos

Now that life begins at conception, sex with pregnant women will be considered sexual battery on a minor. “New and expecting parents will be required by law to sign a form stating they didn’t engage in any sexual contact after discovering the pregnancy.” Said Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during a press conference where he signed…

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Top 10 places in Tampa to bust a nut

Nuts

Nut Cracker Factory The Nut Cracker Factory on Westhore and Himes boulevard offers patrons the opportunity to crack as many nuts as their hearts desire for only $9.99. You can bring your own nuts, or for varying prices you can purchase nuts at the facility Bayfront Park Bayfront Park down Nutnut Cove Parkway is home…

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Tampa prostitute wins TIME’s Person of the Year

Time

A Tampa prostitute named Merth has won TIME magazine’s Person of the Year title, after a unique story which has led to Tampa becoming one of the most popular places in the country. Her story began at the Sunoco gas station on the corner of Columbus and Nebraska Ave. “A man in a pick up…

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10 sex positions guaranteed to ruin your relationship

Sex Positions

WARNING: This article contains explicit language some may not find suitable for children, so if you’re reading the daily TNF articles to your children, now would be the time to skip this one, and let them watch TV for a few moments while you read this on your own. Sex is a very powerful intimate…

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Postcoital man wins presidency

Zoom Pres

A man in Westchase who just finished having sex has been nominated the president of the United States after an overwhelming write-in effort from supporters. Ted Clazinsky, ran on a platform of clear minds and clear thoughts, unfettered by sexual desires, won the popular vote with %65 of voters choosing him. “Yea, I just had…

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Tampa Sex Workers to Require Proof of Vaccination for Services

Sex Worker

Citing the high number of new coronavirus cases, local sex workers in Tampa have begun asking clients for proof of vaccination before exchanging money for sex. “We have a strong union in this city,” said Tampa Sex Workers Union President, Miguelita Chochita. “Since the beginning of this pandemic, us sex workers have been taking every…

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BREAKING: Guy Has Sex

TAMPA, FL – During an exclusive interview with TNF, Brad Ormond, 28, disclosed that he had sex last night. The following is a transcript of that interview. SH – “So, Brad, you said you had something you wanted to get off your chest?” BO – “Yeah bro. You know that chick I was talking to…

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Tampa Bay sports makes man orgasm

Orgasm Fan

Benny Hudgins of Valrico climaxed thinking about Tampa’s current sports rosters, causing him to have an epiphany that the city can make him come more than his significant other. “I was sitting in my recliner chair watching game 1 of the Stanley Cup playoffs, and I found myself getting sexually aroused at the thought of…

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Tampa Sex Club Forced to Shut Down Ass Eating Night

Ass eater

Due to unnecessary red-tape and regulation from the Democrats in Tallahassee, Ass Eating Night in the popular Tampa Bay Area Sex Club, Oxfords’ Sex Exchange, has been put on hiatus until further notice. “Those bureaucrats in the capital need get out of the way,” said OSE owner and operator Lexman Hothman.  “Ass Eating Night is…

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