Tampa CEO sexually aroused by action taken by Better.com

Brent Sppoonholder, the CEO of Integrated Associated Business Systems Inc., a Tampa-based company that makes profits, had an interesting reaction to the news that Better.com recently fired 900 employees during a Zoom call.

“This is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” he said. “And technically, it isn’t porn so I can’t even get in trouble for enjoying it!”

Better.com is an online lender that offers conforming, jumbo, and FHA mortgages. It was announced in May that the company was going public through a special purpose acquisition company, or SPAC, and last week received $750 million in cash as part of the deal. The company is prepared to have more than $1 billion on its balance sheet.

Last Wednesday, Better.com CEO Vishal Garg announced the mortgage company would be terminating about 9% of its workforce, more than 900 people, via a Zoom webinar.

“If you’re on this call, you are part of the unlucky group that is being laid off… Your employment here is terminated effective immediately.”

– Better.com CEO Vishal Garg

“Did he say ‘part of the unlucky group’? Unlucky?!? This guy is a BOSS!!” said Sppoonholder. “Well, not to about 900 people anymore. Ha ha ha! Mmmmmmm!!”

Among those fired were the company’s entire diversity, equity and inclusion recruiting team.

Sppoonholder said, “Just when you think it can’t get any better, oh my God, it does!”

When asked what particular aspect of what most people would consider tragic circumstances he finds so appealing, Sppoonholder said, “All of it! The whole thing! It’s my ultimate fantasy fulfilled! Do you have any idea how many times I’ve dreamed of informing all the worthless parasites who work for me that they’re fired? Just visualizing the dumb look on their dumb, hungry faces as I drop that hammer on them. Mmmmm! And three weeks before Christmas?? Put that under your trees, you lowlife ghetto trash. Happy Holid… Oh, ohh oh God!! Urrghh… excuse me please. Oh God!”