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Tampa: City with the largest dicks in the country

Phallic structures

A national study has concluded that Tampa, Florida is home to the highest concentration of large penises in the entire country.

A federally funded research group travelled the country measuring adult males penises since the start of 2017, and used their data to analyze specific factors which lead to males in different cities having large sexual organs.

“We spent the better part of three years going town to town seeing men’s junk.” Said Michelle Spence, one of the government workers who participated in data collection.

“Of all the cities, Tampa, by a wide margin, contained the highest ratio of men with large packages. In fact, I couldn’t help myself sometimes, I would give a few a kiss!” Spence giggled.

Research showed that males who spent time outside and appreciated the human physique, tended to have the largest units. As it turned out, Tampa has the most of these men.

“Those were the two common factors.” Said Becky Lyte, another publicly funded employee who measured men for three years.

“If the guy liked spending time outside, and if he some sort of physical fixation, whether it was he liked to work out, or he liked woman who were beautiful, there had to be a sense of vanity that could not be overcome for these men. And just between you and me, I kiss a couple of those guys peckers when I measured them!” Lyte then covered her mouth and laughed.

A woman with gray hair, named Peggy O’Neal was the head organizer behind the country-wide initiative.

“I’ve been measuring men’s dicks since the Nixon administration.” Said O’Neal, as she sat with her legs crossed atop her desk, heels in the air, smoking a cigar.

“I’ve seen a lot, a lot of men in my days…” She said, pausing as if I’m supposed to respond.

“So let me guess, you gave a lot of them a kiss?” I sarcastically asked.

“What did you just say to me?” O’Neal said, withdrawing her legs from the desk and getting deadly serious with me, broaching my personal space.

“Did you just asked if I gave fellatio to any of the citizens!” She yelled.

“What! Uhm, no!” I responded.

“Has anyone around here been doing that?” She screamed again.

“I don’t know! No! No!” I shouted back in fear.

She laughed very loudly then shouted back.

“I’m just kidding! We all kiss them! Now come here and let see what all that science we made has been talking about!”

Then she forced me to disrobe and it wasn’t that bad, I mean it wouldn’t have been my first choice and regularly I would abstain from random sexual interaction with a stranger, especially one clearly with a large age gap from me, but I was kind of intimidated and scared to turn her down, I don’t know it was kind of a weird situation, I shouldn’t be sharing this, but it feels better for me to talk about it out loud, so thank you for letting me share my truth with you. Anyways, Tampa officially has the biggest dicks in the United States. There will be a celebratory party at bar by the pool at the Marriott in Channelside.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds


  1. Avatar Kim Pullen on March 1, 2020 at 3:43 pm