Greg Rogers of Tampa is being sued by his parents because he has named his newborn son Groot, after the hyper-intelligent, tree-like organism from Marvel Comics and the Guardians of the Galaxy and Avengers films from the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU).
“Greg has wasted so much time and money on those stupid movies. There are 25 of the damn things and he’s seen all of them multiple times,” said his father Jim. “I will not have him waste my grandson’s entire life being named after a character whose entire vocabulary consists of three words.”
Greg said, “Oh, that’s ridiculous. Obviously we’re going to raise him as a normal little kid. He’s going to go to school and learn like anybody else. Of course he’ll be capable of saying more than ‘I Am Groot’. It’s just that Groot is a cool character and a cool name. Groot is very heroic and if my son emulates that, I’ll be a very proud and happy dad.”
Greg’s wife Tammy, the baby’s mother said, “I don’t care what his name is. He’s my son and I love him, no matter what. The name Groot makes Greg happy and I love him too, so I’m fine with it.”
“You couldn’t just name him Steve?” asked Jim. “Our last name is Rogers, for Christ’s sake!” to which Greg responded, “Captain America? Great character. Important character. Iconic! But let’s be totally honest; Zzzzzzzzz.”
When asked what if the baby’s eventual first words are ‘I Am Groot’, the grandparents both groaned audibly, threw their hands up in exasperation and rolled their eyes while Greg, the father, exclaimed, “Oh boy, that would be AWESOME!!” and Tammy, the mother, shrugged her shoulders.
Greg’s mother Stephanie said, “I want a grandbaby, not a Groot baby! Why do you have to be so selfish as to deny me my dream??” “Oh, come on! Be a Grootmother,” replied Greg. “Lean into it. Have some fun! The MCU is all about fun!”
“Life isn’t supposed to be fun. I’ve been trying to tell you that your entire life but you never listen,” said Jim. “That’s really what the point of this lawsuit is. This is a lesson you need to learn.”
“Unfortunately, this is Tampa, Florida, where absurd, outlandish cases end up in court all the time. Like, literally every single day. So a lawsuit is probably not an effective means of teaching someone that life isn’t silly, fun or funny,” said Hillsborough County’s 13th Judicial Circuit Judge Carl C. Hinson. “I wish the plaintiffs luck but precedent says they’re gonna lose and lose hard. Like Thanos in ‘Endgame’.”
“I do feel like this whole thing is partially our fault”, said Jim. “It probably could have been avoided if Stephanie had let me name our son Luke or Han like I wanted, instead of Greg.”
“I want a divorce”, said Stephanie.