Skip to content

Tampa International Airport expanding yet again

In light of recent reports that indicate that Chinese spy balloons flying over the continental United States are a more common occurrence than previously believed, Tampa International Airport is taking steps to accommodate the additional air traffic.

“It’s really more of a safety concern than anything else,” said airport spokesperson Eleanor Nipplemyer. “Apparently there’s a whole bunch of those things up there all the time.”

“We can’t have Spirit Airlines crashing into them. Because if anybody is liable to do that, it’s Spirit Airlines.”

At least four of the balloons are known to have inhabited US airspace in the last few years, including one that flew over Florida in 2019.

“There’s more,” said Nipplemyer. “As we know, there is always more.”

“We look forward to working with Ms. Nipplemyer and all the other worker drones here at the Tampa complex of runways and buildings for the takeoff, landing, and maintenance of civil aircraft, with facilities for passengers, to accommodate our perfectly harmless high-altitude exploration and colonization vessels. We can’t wait to make them our slaves,” said a Mr. Al Ienn, a liaison for the Chinese spy balloon owners. “Also, people of Earth, err, I mean America, please stop shooting them down; they are expensive.”

“Wh-what was that about slaves…?” asked Ms. Nipplemyer.

“Sorry. Colleagues,” clarified Mr. Ienn. “I’m still assimilating to English from, uhh, Chinese.”

Ms. Nipplemyer said construction will begin immediately on a brand-new control tower, dedicated exclusively to Chinese spy balloon traffic.

“We just hired a bunch of air traffic controllers who speak fluent Chinese,” she said. “But Mr. Ienn assures me that won’t be necessary.”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54