Tampa Ford – Hillsborough County – Monday 2.18.2019
In an effort to minimize the number of assholes on the road, Hillsborough County has set a cap to number of Ford F150s being sold.
“We hope this initiative will help alleviate road congestion, and make it a little easier to merge on the highway,” says Tampa Transportation Czar Miguel Roberts. “After years of research we have come to the conclusion that this law will single handedly fix all of Tampa’s transportation issues.” Roberts spread his arms out wide, closed his eyes and tilted his head back in a “Thank Me” sort of way, he remained this way for a few minutes until I decided to walk away.
“I feel like they should be banning more cars if they want to get rid of all the assholes,” says Frances Cribbs a local Tampa Chevy Silverado driver. “I drive all over the god damn place, so I’m pretty qualified to say fuck those minivans too.”
“We should get rid of the women drivers,” said one sexist person who refused to be named once he realized I was a reporter.
Starting at midnight on March 1, 2019, Tampa Ford dealerships will only be allowed to sell one F-150 a week.
Current F-150 owners are welcome to take part in a government sponsored buy back program where they can trade in their trucks for an ’02 Chrystler PT Cruiser or a Vespa scooter.