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Tampa’s Newest Gentlemen’s Club Actually a Club For Gentlemen

Midtown Tampa – Hillsborough County – Friday 3.29.2019

The newly opened Esquire Debonair Gentlemen’s Club, occupying the building that used to house the strip club and video store known as ‘Zee Pleazure Palaze’, is not like most other adult entertainment venues in the Tampa Bay Area; this gentlemen’s club caters exclusively to actual gentlemen. 

“Egad, have you ever BEEN in one of those places?”, asks club manager Perry Halfcastle, smugly leaning back and gripping the jacket lapels of his three-piece suit and pronouncing the word ‘been’ like ‘bean’.  “They’re utterly infested with harlots.”

“The Esquire Debonair is a place where a refined man can relax in a high-backed leather chair with a snifter of brandy and discuss etiquettes and protocols with like-minded gentlemen.” Halfcastle stops to clean his monocle and continues, “who it is NOT for is lecherous cads who want to leer at strumpets.”

Halfcastle has expectations of Tampa’s elite joining the club’s clientele. “Bankers, lawyers, philanthropists, cavaliers, arch dukes, dandies, popinjays, coxcombs, fops, high-end plastic surgeons,” he recites, licking his fingers for some reason. “Not the kind of bounder who would ever own an adjustable cap or a t-shirt with a sports team logo on it or patronize a bowling alley,” he adds with a fart for derisive emphasis, which smells like blueberries. 

“Sorry about that,” Halfcastle says with a giggle. “It’s just that it’s crucial that people understand that this is an establishment that exudes nothing but class, style and decorum in every facet.”

Anyone seeking to visit the Esquire Debonair Gentlemen’s Club should take Adamo Drive east toward Brandon and look for the pink cinderblock building adorned with the neon sign that look like a winking vagina. 

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54