Bucs Quarterback, Tom Brady, appeared on Andrew Tate’s most recent live-stream from the Rumble platform, showing off his newest crypto coin purchase of 6,000,000 Tampa Coin.
“He came out, talked about how much he loves Tampa, talked about how much he loves the Tampa News Force cryptocurrency Tampa Coin, then he did a couple cartwheels, and did a hit from a waterfall bong of CBD.” Said Sam Tucker, an intern at the Tampa News Force Headquarters who happened to be watching the live stream instead of working.
“Yea, Tom and Tate talked about their alpha lifestyles, shared laughs about their daily plights as ultra-wealthy influencers, then cheers’d to the good life and ended the broadcast.” Sheepishly chatted Tucker.
“Are you sure? Or are you lying?” I asked Tucker with authority.
“I swear on my life!” Tucker crossed his heart and hoped to die.
“Ok, I believe you.” I clapped.
The next day Tucker was found dead in his cubicle, reportedly from auto-erotic-asphyxiation.
Apparently he had been masturbating and choking himself while on the clock at the TNF headquarters.
Honestly, not a new occurrence, but he seemed pretty good at it, so we never questioned him or interrupted him while he was doing it.
He was free labor, so we were just happy he showed up anyway.
But yea, the fact that he died right after telling me this doesn’t give me great confidence that he was being honest, but in fears of not reporting a super-sensational story, we’re running the story anyway.
If any information was wrong or distorted, please let us know, so we can edit or retract this story.