TAMPA, FL — Last Monday, USF Football announced that they had fired Defensive Coordinator Glenn Spencer. Less than 24 hours later, they announced his replacement.
“It is my pleasure to announce the hiring of my neighbor, Ben Faithfullerson, as Defensive Coordinator,” Head Coach Jeff Scott declared in his weekly press conference. Not much is known about Faithfullerson or his football background. When it was his turn to take questions from the media, the newly hired coach did not provide much insight.
“Why are you asking me all these questions? I love my wife!,” he exclaimed, unprompted.
“I’d never cheat on her! I’m a man of faith!” After the press conference, photos emerged of Faithfullerson making out with a 19 year old woman outside of Salem’s, a popular Gyro spot near UT’s campus.
When TNF inquired about said photos, Faithfullerson was once again defensive. “That’s not me! That guy is wearing a red shirt! I don’t even own a red shirt! There’s no way it could be me! Where would I get a red shirt? That picture looks like it was taken around 2:37AM! Where would I get a red shirt at 2:37AM? Do you have a red shirt? Maybe it’s you in the photo. God, why are you asking me all these questions?” In other news, USF opened as a -9000 favorite of UCF on Tuesday.