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Video game ad character looking for new career

An anonymous avatar who appears in advertisements for a video game is frustrated with his job and wants to explore new opportunities.

“It seemed like a good gig when I signed up. Pretty easy and the money was okay”, he says. “But it’s not fulfilling or challenging. I really feel like I could be doing so much more.”

He went on to explain his current job responsibilities. “Basically, I just stand there, looking vaguely menacing, waiting for someone to either shoot me in the face, press the little ‘x’ in the corner of the screen or wait 30 seconds so they can resume playing the game they actually want to play. Sure, sometimes somebody actually clicks on the ad and downloads the game I’m shilling but those occasions are few and far between and I’m not even in the real game. It’s not even a good game; it’s free and can only be played on phones. Even the Bosses can be taken out with six shots. It’s not exactly ‘Animal Crossing’ in terms of complexity.”

He realizes he doesn’t have a lot of options as he contemplates entering a depressed job market. “What would I even apply for? Thug? Henchman? Lumberjack? I’m not sure if you’ve checked out lately but I have and the pickings are slim.”

“It’s not like this job has given me any practical experience or marketable job skills. I just stand there with an ax. I never take it off my shoulder. I never attempt to attack. I’m not much of a threat at all,” he says. “Somebody has to be either really bored or really warped to care enough to bother blowing my head off.”

He hasn’t dedicated himself to a thorough job search yet but says he’s already discouraged. “I don’t know how I would apply if I did manage to find something; the designers didn’t even give me a name. They could’ve called me Rocco, Bubba, Ax Boy. Anything that would give me some sort of identity would be better than nothing.”

He sighed and said, “Maybe I should just suck it up and stick with this. It’s steady work and I do get commission, a small one, every time someone does download the game. My girlfriend, who is a cut-screen Phoenix lion warrior maiden in some crystal sorting game is pregnant and is going to have to quit her job soon.” He sighed again and lit a cigarette. “I wish someone would shoot me in the face for real.”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54