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Wawa To Open Mall Food Kiosk

The famous gas station eatery Wawa has announced that mall patrons will soon be able to order a hoagie while shopping at Tampa’s International Plaza and Bay Street malls.

“If people were cars, food would be their gasoline,” said Wichard Wawalker, founder of Wawa.  “With cars becoming more electric and fuel-efficient, getting customers to eat from our gas station is getting hard.”
As inflation continues to tighten people’s wallets, some customers are forced to choose between filling their tanks or filling their bellies.

“I can’t afford a car, and eating food from Wawa is kind of luxury,” said Shap Inpents. “It’s also time-consuming eating at Wawa. If I have anything to eat from that gas station, I am losing hours of my life on the toilet when I should be working.”

Inpents then took me behind the Wawa, to a tent he calls home.

“I stand here and watch people go into the store after filling their cars up with gas,” said Inpents, who was now smoking something from a pipe that smelled very strongly of burning plastic. “I would then siphon out as much gas as possible and try to resell it for cheap.”

I couldn’t pass up on the deal and decided to pay Inpents for the gasoline he siphoned out that day, which he kept in a kiddie pool.

While driving home, my engine gave out, which I later discovered was because the gasoline was half mixed with urine.

The new Wawa food kiosk is set to open, and the first ten customers who purchase a hoagie will receive a free donut.

Josh Santos

About Josh Santos

Writer and award-winning videographer and documentarian. Instagram: @HashtagSantos