Virtual sports fan is exhausted

A cardboard cutout intended to fill seats at Tampa Bay sporting events representing a fan who can’t attend due to restrictions resulting from COVID needs a vacation from sports.

“It’s been a wild ride, for sure”, said the 2′ 6″ high x 1′ 6″ wide corrugated cardboard silhouette. “In less than five months, I’ve attended a World Series, a Stanley Cup final and a Super Bowl! Can you believe it? I’m sure most real-life, human sports fans might have dreamed of experiencing that, but I never did. Because I’m cardboard.”

“I should have never been anything more than a piece of packing material or maybe a storage/shipping container and instead, I’ve been present for more championships than most living, breathing people could even hope to experience. What a rush of emotion. Not for me; I can’t feel anything although I am flammable.”

“In spite of their years of devotion, not to mention the money they’re spent on tickets, souvenirs and more to support these teams, Tampa Bay fans have only been on the periphery of this incredible journey I’ve taken and I can’t even appreciate it because I’m an inanimate object!”

“Heck, just one of those things would be a once-in-a-lifetime dream-come-true for most people. And with all of Tampa Bay’s teams poised for similar postseason success in the immediate future and COVID continuing to ravage the country, the whole darn cycle is going to just keep rolling along. Ha ha! Life is funny, isn’t it? Not that I know, since I’m not alive.”

“It’s good that spring training doesn’t start for a couple of weeks because I’m a little shopworn at this point”, it said. “All the travelling between historic, spectacular championships has taken a toll. I need to rest up before sitting in the stands in a quaint ballpark all spring, exposed to the best weather conditions Florida has to offer. What a grind!”