Ticket scalper says he is misunderstood
Kenny Glennis of Tampa, a self-described ticket broker (more commonly known as a ‘scalper’ or ‘lowlife, bottom-feeding scumbag’), says he is tired of being perceived as a parasite with a cardboard sign standing outside of an arena who buys tickets in bulk to create scarcity and then profits by exploiting that scarcity by raising the price of those tickets and selling them to people who have no other way of getting them.
“I’m a human being and just a simple, local businessman!”, he said. “It’s just that my business is being a parasite with a cardboard sign standing outside of an arena who buys tickets in bulk to create scarcity and then profits by exploiting that scarcity by raising the price of those tickets and selling them to people who have no other way of getting them. I am exactly the same as the owner of your favorite small, independent, neighborhood, family-operated coffee shop, if your favorite small, independent, neighborhood, family-operated coffee shop is unregulated by any meaningful authority whatsoever and allowed to operate ethically unbound.”
“The fact of the matter is, I make dreams come true. Bucs, Lightning, Rays. I can hook you up for all of that. Granted, you’ll pay triple face value or more but, hey, dreams ain’t free”, he said. “Well, actual dreams are but you get what you pay for, you know.”
He added, “This industry gets an undeserved bad rep, with people thinking all we do is profit off the passion of sports and concert fans while giving nothing back to the community and that just isn’t true. As a matter of fact, I do a lot for Johns Hopkins All Children’s Hospital right here in St. Pete.”
“It’s true, kinda”, said Dr. Henry Flleedermmann, specializing in Critical Care Medicine at the top pediatric center in the Tampa Bay region and the west coast of Florida, offering expertise in care for kids. “He gets me Lightning tickets sometimes and I work here, so I guess he isn’t technically lying. It sucks. I hate dealing with him because doing business with people who can be charitably described as morally ambiguous makes me feel dirty, and paying triple face value or more isn’t fun either but there’s no practical way for me to get lower level playoff tickets otherwise.”
“You’re welcome”, said Glennis.
