New Store in Tampa Lets Customers Dig Through Landfill

Shoppers around Tampa Bay are flocking to this trendy open-air market, offering outrageously marked down prices on items people have thrown away.

Hotpit is the latest overstock items and returns store to open in Tampa. The store features a football field size staging area where customers are encouraged to rip open trash bags to find items they want to pay for.

“It’s like dumpster diving but without the dumpster,” said a professional recycler, Glenn Gardrail.  “When you sift through all the trash, sometimes you’re sure to find treasure.” He then took a marijuana cigarette and started getting high in front of me.

I was envious of Gardrail, because I get drug tested once a week due to my position within Tampa News Force.

“Can I hit that?” I asked Gardrail, who happily shared his marijuana cigarette with me.

After one toke I was left coughing like crazy, “This is some good shit.” I was able to say between coughs.

My eyes went to the back of my head and my tongue fused with my mouth. My skin began growing taste buds until I became a giant walking tongue. 

“Hop on!” Said Gardrail, who had suddenly contorted his body into a motorcycle with a sidecar. 

I jumped in and we went speeding up and down the aisles of trash bags.  I was ripping them open, tasting everything that splattered out.  My skin absorbed and registered every flavor under a database of compounds. 

Through my touch, I was able to discover which trash bags contain the best stuff.

The landfill is refilled every Wednesday and Sunday at 5 AM, but the parking doesn’t open until 6 AM.