Super-talented baby creeps out parents

Little Amy Pleebler, an exceptionally gifted musical prodigy at two years old, is intimidating her parents, Bob and Wendy.

“She sings like a perfect angel and even plays the piano a little bit. She knows, like, chord progressions and shit,” said Wendy. “How? How?!?”

“It’s just so weird the way she’s good at stuff”, Wendy added. “She just sits down at the piano, playing it really good and smiling at us. Ugh!”

“Neither her mom or I are talented at all. We’re not musicians and in fact, we can’t do anything well,” said Bob. “And we’re not Asian so this makes NO sense.”

“We’re going to be expected to get her into a good school. And I don’t mean college; I’m talking about one of those performing arts high schools,” said Wendy. “We’re facing just an incredible burden here.”

“Don’t get us wrong; we’re glad she’s a bright baby. I always dreamed she’d grow up to be a receptionist at an auto repair shop,” said Bob. “You know, smart enough to know what kind of water pump you’d need for a 2017 Ford Escape and how a small business invoicing system works. But now I guess that dream is dead.”

A not-very-good family therapist named Dr. Gerald Dismuke recommends discouraging her from an early age. “Usually, parents can wait until their kids become teenagers before they start shitting on their dreams and aspirations and destroying their self-esteem,” he said. “That’s not a luxury that parents of gifted children have. They have to get in there early and start fucking with their talented little heads.”

“I’d start with the basics; ‘Boo, you suck, Amy! Your terrible music hurts me and daddy!’ Stuff like that,” he said. “Simply yelling BOOOOOO! BOOOOOO! will work wonders.”

“Won’t that kind of negative feedback hurt her overall development, emotional well-being and lead to lifelong depression?” asked Wendy.

“If you do it correctly, yes,” replied Dr. Dismuke, before chuckling and adding, “Don’t worry; you’re parents. I have no doubt you’ll figure it out.”