Clearwater man “accidentally” forgets to zip pants for 25th time this year

Gary Phrenger, an associate at Robust Paradigms Inc. in Clearwater has now somehow “forgotten” to zip up his pants after using the restroom at work 25 times since 2023 began.

“Aw, come on, Gary,” said co-worker Dennis Flavors, observing the special occasion. “Again, man? Again??”

“Huh?” responded Phrenger looking down at his crotch. “Ha ha! Oops! Look at that! Ha ha ha!”

“I’ve done it yet again, everyone,” he added while turning around slowly and shrugging.

“Accidents happen, sure. But not this frequently,” said Sharon Dietz, another co-worker. “Plus, he doesn’t reach down and immediately zip up when someone calls him on it. He hesitates and looks around like he’s making sure everyone knows his pants are unzipped. It’s always a whole thing and it happens all the time.”

“It’s clearly attention-seeking and it’s really juvenile.”

“I don’t think he’s trying to be funny,” said Flavors. “If he was, he’d pull his shirt tail through the zipper like a penis hanging out and really give people something to look at. Or even his actual penis. That’s how I would do it, anyway.”

“We’ve written him up for it because it’s distracting and inappropriate. Unfortunately, he claims every time is an honest mistake and that’s not a fireable offense. It’s a problem because we’re trying to present a professional image at all times,” said company owner Dean Billington, while sitting at his desk with his pants pulled down around his ankles.