Tampa woman claims to “hate” Girl Scout cookies

A woman in Tampa has taken an extremely rare and unpopular stance on one of America’s most beloved traditional institutions: Girl Scout Cookies.

“I hate those things,” said Misty Ocean, a fax machine operator at FaxPro, a company that faxes stuff.

“Especially Thin Mints,” she said, doubling down for some dumb, unnecessary reason.

Asked why she claims to have such strong negative feelings toward something that is so universally adored, she said, “What can I say? They’re just not good.”

She paused to wipe off some of the chocolate smeared all over face.

“The taste, the texture, everything,” she said while spraying what sure looked like chewed up cookie crumbs from her mouth. “There’s just nothing good about them. And they’re bad for you. They will make you violently ill.”

“I never eat those disgusting things,” she said as she removed the two sleeves of cookies from a box of Thin Mints and added the empty box to a pile of other empty Thin Mint boxes behind her.

“What? These aren’t Thin Mints! These are… carrots. They’re good and good for you,” she said, cramming as many Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies into her mouth as humanly possible. “Yeah. Carrots.”