Trump endorses Clearwater pizzeria

Former or current President of the United States Donald Trump has offered his enthusiastic support of Sonny’s Pizza, a small pizza and subs shop in Clearwater.

“He approached us, not vice-versa, which is wild,” said owner Tim “Sonny” Schwartz. “Apparently he called lots of pizza places in Florida before reaching us. I guess we got lucky?”

Schwartz said that an aide with Trump’s office which is not officially an election campaign yet and who insisted on remaining nameless asked him if he could make meatballs that resemble Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and if they could add a Meatball Ron meatball sub to the menu. If the answer to both questions was affirmative, Trump would offer his exclusive endorsement as his personal preferred Florida pizzeria.

“I figured it was just a prank but I said ‘sure’ anyway,” said Schwartz. “It wouldn’t cost anything and how hard could that be?”

To Schwartz’s surprise, a package of marketing materials including signs, bumper stickers and key chains arrived COD at his restaurant two days later.

“So now we have Donald Trump telling people to eat here,” said Schwartz. “Of course, that means that liberals want absolutely nothing to with us, and that’s about half the population. And of the remaining customer base, they’re split 50/50 on supporting either Trump or DeSantis. That means we’re really only appealing to about 25% of potential customers and that’s kind of a disaster for my business.”

Trump has yet to visit the restaurant or even try any of the food but the previously mentioned unnamed aide says he has plans to do both soon.

“He can’t wait to get those DeSantis balls in his mouth.”