Joe Biden retires

In an unprecedented move, the President of The United States, Joe Biden, has chosen to retire from his position.

“I’m tired.” Said Mr. Biden.

“I want to play penuckle with my buds.” Joe continued before falling asleep at his kitchen table.

Kamala Harris is now the acting President until they can find another rich, straight, old, white man to take the position.

“We think we’re just going to give it back to Trump.” Said Harris, shrugging.

“He seems to get the most engagement from the American people, and we’ve continued to keep him in the dark on our illuminati secrets, so it’s easiest just to let him do it. He’s the biggest distraction we’ve ever seen in human history. He’s upset that we never accepted him into the secret elites club, so he’s like Pablo Escobar in the sense that he wanted to join the system just so people would stop looking down on him, but that’s never going to happen no matter what, so Trump will continue running himself into the ground like a mad man searching for a love which will never be fulfilled. It’s pretty hilarious and perfect actually.” Harris let out a loud chuckle.

The Democrats are planning to run the next person who walks into their doors as their next presidential nominee, whereas the Republicans will vaguely feign that they enjoy DeSantis before going back to all-in on Trump.

Good luck to everyone running in the next emergency presidential election! TNF will cover the events as they unfold!