Writers strike not expected to impact Tampa News Force

The looming strike by the Writers Guild of America (WGA) will have a major affect on the film and television industries in Hollywood but is not expected to have any impact on Tampa News Force (TNF) at all.

“First of all, we’re not members of the Guild,” said TNF Labor Services spokesperson Kevin ‘Kevvy Kev’ Turtlebaum. “Second of all, what exactly is a ‘Guild’? I’ve never heard of that. Is that like a club or something? Sounds cool.”

The WGA, the union that represents writers, says it needs to make substantial changes to the way that writers are compensated because of the shift to streaming services from traditional films and cable and broadcast networks.

“Yeah, that’s mostly not what the indentured servants here produce,” said Turtlebaum. “I won’t say slaves because that’s culturally insensitive.”

“I mean, we have done some movies and lots of video sketches but it’s not like anybody ‘writes’ those. Ha ha ha! Wait… they do? Huh,” he said. “Who would’ve guessed?”

“But a majority of the content TNF produces is jokes about Ron DeSantis being racist and/or homophobic, Rick Scott being some sort of inbred lizard/demon hybrid or whatever is in John Jacobs’ stream of consciousness at the moment,” he added.

“And of course we can always write about ourselves because that’s easy. This is the second day in a row we’re doing that.“

Further complicating the matter is an inherent conflict of interest.

“Our writers own the company so they are paid by themselves. What are they going to do, picket themselves? That doesn’t sound very productive, does it? If they’re outside picketing, then they’re not writing and there’s nothing to get paid for,” he said. “Plus, they’re not being paid. Please reference my previous comment about indentured serfs.”

“Anyway, a 75% raise on $0 would be, hmm, let me see, $0. So looks like we’re done here. Good job, everyone. Back to work, slaves. Oops. Shit. I knew I’d say it eventually.”