Tampa man finds perfect sleep position 10 minutes before alarm goes off

Robert Winewurst of Tampa spent last night tossing and turning, completely unable to get a minute’s sleep, in spite of taking a hot shower, reading a boring book, taking melatonin and drinking a glass of whole milk.

“This is ridiculous”, he said around 3AM as he thrashed around in bed, wrapping and unwrapping himself in sheets and blankets. “Jesus Christ! There’s no reason for this!”

“I have to get up at 7!”, he added.

At 6:50AM, he somehow happened to find himself in a nice, comfortable position, just as some stupid birds outside started singing for some dumb reason. 

“Wait a minute; this is pretty good. I can finally… zzzzzzzzzz”, he said. 

10 minutes later, when his alarm went off, he commented, “AAAAHHHH!! FUCK!! NO! NOOOOOO!!”

He then began his day in the worst mood possible, making sure to inflict this temperament on his wife and children before leaving for work, ruining their days as well.