Seffner man welcomes UFOs as “somethin’ else to shoot at”

Following the recent congressional hearing where the very real possibility that Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs), Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena (UAPs) and extraterrestrial aliens exist and have made contact with Earth, people are expressing a wide variety of reactions to this new information.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass what they call ‘em, I’m gonna blow the shit outta them,” said Michael “Mike” MikeLemore of Seffner, before quickly adding, “Not like that.”

“Hell yeah, I welcome visitors from outer space; with my thirty-aught-six,” he added. “I’ve been looking for something to shoot that won’t piss anybody off. Deer, coyotes, bears, beer bottles, ethnics. Everybody has all these ‘rights’ and advocates now and it leaves people like me and my guns out in the cold.”

When it was mentioned to him that there is still much to process from these findings, such as the purpose of their visits and the technology used, he said, “That’s perfect. Since we don’t know anything about them, nobody will get mad at me if I kill ’em.”

“They might come in peace, but I guaran-goddamn-tee you, they’ll leave in a body bag”, he said, completely missing the opportunity to make the easy and obvious joke by saying ‘pieces’.