Wealthy males living above Richmond, Virginia entitled to compensation

All males currently residing in counties located north of Richmond Virginia making above $250,000 a year are entitled to compensation after particular lyrics from Oliver Anthony’s song “Rich men north of Richmond” caused emotional damage to thousands.

“As the 1% whom also have political control over the country, we are absolutely appalled.”

Read a statement signed by Anthony Peters, the lawyer representing the wealthy males seeking damages caused by the lower class anthem.

Peters, who is representing himself, as one of the men claiming harm from the tune, elaborates in the statement,

“It’s a lot of work and mental power to control the country, and in-turn, the world, and we believe we deserve praise for our efforts, not slander.

The judge who is presiding over the case happens to also be one of the wealthy men seeking compensation, as every judge in the country falls within this group, so it will be impossible to find an impartial mediator.

“I’m not worried.” Said Oliver Anthony, reading from his Bible.

“For the Lord said, ‘do not fear rich men north of Richmond, they will not succeed.’”

Anthony then closed his bible and combed his beard while an audience clambered in awe, whistling, and hollering.

The trial will go underway in a few days and is expected to last years, with the prosecuting team planning to “spend as much money as they possibly can to waste Mr. Anthony’s time so it will keep him out of the recording studio and stop him from coming up with another song which will wreak terror on our plots of global domination.”