10 ways to make money without internet access

In this hustle and bustle world, we’re all looking to make a little extra moolah, but sometimes we don’t know how or we don’t have internet access to do it traditionally. Here are 10 ways to make money without using the internet

Prostitution

Sell your body on the street on your own schedule at your own pace. No one sets your hours, you become your own boss and you set your own price. Like art! Consider yourself a sexual artist, or as the kids put it a “SW”. It’s hip it’s trendy it’s sexy, get out there and have sex with strangers for money

Crime

They say crime doesn’t pay. Well it does if you get away with it! Go out and steal and rob people. It’s risky, but high risky = high reward. You can make thousands of dollars in a matter of seconds. Practice running really fast beforehand to master your escape!

Gambling

Go to a casino and gamble. That’s a sure-fire way to earn the big bucks. You may also lose, but you might also win. So it’s definitely, technically, a way to make money, without relying on that pesky internet for guidance or help.

Lemonade stand

Sell lemonade on the sidewalk like you did when you were a kid. You never did that as a kid? Why not? Didn’t you see it on TV and in movies? People do it all the time according to media. So go sell lemonade to people for money. That’s a good way to make money. Definitely! You go girl!

Become the President

The president doesn’t need to worry about the internet. That’s what interns and assistants are for. The President just makes appearances at malls and ribbon cuttings when a new Burger King opens or something like that. No internet needed for this gig. Become the President!

Beg

Begging for money on the street is a profession as old as life itself. Since money has existed, so have beggars. Get out there, put on your rattiest, tattiest, outfit, and get to pleading for pennies! It’s sweet! You barely have to do anything, and honestly, the worse it’s going, the better your odds are to get more, because you’ll look really pathetic.

Dig through the garbage

Sometimes people throw out money. Not often. Not even semi-regularly. But once and a blue moon some bozo accidentally tosses out cashola or some precious metal currency and you can take that right to the bank literally and figuratively. Don’t let anyone stop your active lifestyle. Get out there and get the sweet copper and paper and nickel and chromium. I think some of those are used in money production. And you can have them all. Wow, my eyes are gleaming just thinking about how lucky you’re going to be finding all that money in the trash.

Cut down on trees

There’s a job where you cut down trees. I don’t know much more beyond that. But I know someone pays people to cut down trees sometimes. It may be in certain areas I’m not sure if you’re allowed to go into Central Park and cut down a tree but honestly I don’t know it may be worth a try.

Well that feels like 10 to me. I’m not scrolling back up to count. If you think of any other ones do those, I don’t care. Honestly I’m kind of mad I’m even still talking to you. What the hell. Was this your idea? Why are you making me write this and when did you get the nerve? Where and when did you get the nerve I’d love to know that for sure.

I’m just kidding, I hope you all had a happy fathers day, God bless and goodnight.