Florida Charter High Schools Ready for Freshman Class Draft

Gifted Science Magic Charter School – Hillsborough County – Saturday 4.27.2019

Florida is set to become the first State to allow charter schools a chance to pick the students they want from graduating public school 8th graders.

“We’ve realized that making every school in Florida an A+ school, takes a lot of work,” said Florida School Board Commissioner Gordon Fashmit. “I know a lot of counties are passing referendums to try and fix some of their more neglected schools with taxpayer money, but what the kids really need is a tax-payer funded scholarship to one of our many great charter schools.”

Under the new law, public schools will have a 99-to-1 student to teacher ratio, and the classrooms will be ‘mostly outside’ and on a block schedule.

State Representatives included a description for a new block schedule which stated that children will have blocks tied to their feet when they enter their public school building to slow their movements and make the day seem longer than it needs to be.

Much of the proposed school budget sees public schools dollars being diverted to charter school scholarships for qualifying students chosen through the new Student Draft.

“This is an exciting time to be a Charter School owner,” said Gifted Science Magic Charter School principal and owner Edward Noots. “Public Schools always seem to get money from the state, and us struggling Charter School owners are getting choked out.”

Noots operates the GSM charter school out of an abandoned K-Mart and is currently under investigation for questionable student recruitment tactics.

“Some of my best students are from some of the poorest neighborhoods,” said Noots while he laid back counting out $20 bills and throwing them around his office. “What we teach our kids here, helps them become somewhere eventually if they make it.”

Noots then received a phone call, “this must be from draft line, I’ve got to get some more of these Indian kids in here to boost my Freshman class scores and get some more of that sweet educational grant money.”

Spread across Noots’ desk were hundreds of detective profiles of 8th grade students who were performing well in public schools despite their adversity.

“Look here reporter boy, public schools don’t work,” Noots is now standing naked talking down at me from his desk. “You know what does work? Science. Science works, and my science says Global Warming isn’t real, the Earth is flat, and Puerto Rico has been the 51st State in the U.S. this whole time but we just haven’t told them yet.”

Noots then kicked me out of his office and assured me that charter schools have every right to that taxpayer money because they take care of kids, and kids equal money from the government.