Bern’s Steak House to release line of frozen meals

Publix Greenwise – Hillsborough County – Monday, 7.1.19

During a press conference today, the owners of Bern’s Steak House announced that they will be releasing a limited line of prepared frozen steak dinners and desserts in a partnership with Publix Greenwise.

“We are consistently regarded among the best dining in Tampa,” said Bern’s Steak House fourth-generation owner Bernie Steakinghouse II. “Generations of Tampeños have been blessed by our quality cuisine, as long as they show up looking presentable.” Steakinghouse looked me up and down and said, “I can see you probably haven’t had a chance to come to our restaurant.”

I stood there offended, “Hey man, I can look presentable enough to eat at your restaurant if I really wanted to.”

Steakinghouse laughed, “That is amusing. Your peasantry really entertains me, I’m sure you will find much enjoyment eating our quality frozen meals at home.” He then tossed me a coupon for a free frozen meal, and I thanked him.

“Gee mister, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever given me,” I said in a very sarcastic and loud tone.

The new Bern’s Steak House frozen meals will be available at all Publix Greenwise food prep aisles starting today. The meals are actually Banquet meals purchased from Family Dollar and repackaged at a higher price with the Bern’s Steak House logo on it.

The famous desserts from the dessert room will also be available for the first time outside of the long running establishment. A local shopper purchased a slice of Banana Cheese Pie and the box contained a slip of paper with a crudely drawn middle finger on it and the words, “Bring this to the restaurant to claim your cheese pie bitch.”