Dark Psychic Force Blankets Tampa

Downtown Tampa – Hillsborough County – Wednesday, 7.31.19

Meteorologist are warning Tampa residents to stay indoors after a dark psychic force was detected above Tampa.

“I was tending to my own business when a group of elderly white men came up and started yelling at me to go back to my country,” said small business owner Andreginous Cien-Almas. “I run an all-male beauty boutique and I would be sentenced to death for having this business in my home country.”

Cien-Almas was ready to sell his business and move out of Tampa before the alerts of the dark psychic force.

“I thought everyone was being racist and homophobic towards me, but it turns out they are just under the control of the dark psychic force,” said Cien-Almas who was covered head-to-toe in aluminum foil. “I’m sure once this wave of dark energy passes by, the America that is accepting of other people will once again emerge.”

I agreed with Cien-Almas and bid him luck on his journey to steer clear of the dark psychic force, but then the clouds began to turn dark and pick up speed. The sky began swirling and the biggest lightning bolt I had ever seen streaked across the sky, splitting it in half and unleashing a rip in the current of space and time.

A strong gust of wind exploded from the tear in the sky, Cien-Almas ran away but I stayed to look, next thing I know I’m being sucked in towards the sky and launched into space.

No word yet on when the dark psychic force will clear Tampa’s airspace.