Local pool store offering huge discounts
Ty’s Pooles – Hillsborough County – Friday, 8.16.19
It is not standard practice here at Tampa News Force to offer unsolicited advertising in the form of a news story, but we recently found out about this swimming pool store north of Raymond James Stadium offering ridiculous discounts and it’s been a very hot summer here in the luxurious paradise we call Tampa Bay. So we thought maybe this is something that could benefit our loyal readers who deserve some relief from the relentless heat and humidity that has turned this God-forsaken waking nightmare into even more of a post-apocalyptic hellscape than usual. Also, the owner of the pool store paid me under the table and my editors have no idea because they will publish this without even reading it.
Ty Poole, owner of Ty’s Pooles in Carrollwood is having a sale to reduce inventory of some of their less popular swimming pool options. I asked why that would be necessary, since I assume that the inventory for a company that sells swimming pools would consist of a collection of blue print-style plans that they take to the customer’s home and use to install the pool on their property, and not a warehouse full of completely constructed swimming pools. Ty stared at me for an uncomfortably long time, whimpered, and said, “You have no idea how the swimming pool sales game is played”, before running out the back door into an absolutely enormous warehouse.
Anyway, here are the pools they have for sale…
The Daytona
PLUSES: Wide, deep, ideal for playing games like Marco Polo, Water Polo and Polo
MINUSES: Water temperature sometimes suddenly heats up to boiling with no warning whatsoever
PRICE: $17!
The Key West
PLUSES: Long, narrow, great for lap training and other physical fitness activities
MINUSES: Installation comes with mandatory inclusion of an elderly gentleman slowly swimming laps on his own, right in the middle of the dang pool
PRICE: $22.50!
The Coconut Grove
PLUSES: All deep end, swell for deep diving
MINUSES: Is an abyss, an endless, gaping aquatic abyss from which there is no escape
PRICE: $Yen
The Sanibel Island
PLUSES: All shallow, superb for wading
MINUSES: Really, really shallow, basically a puddle; depending on what kind of shoes you have on, you could walk in it and not get your socks wet
PRICE: A Ziploc baggie of various Canadian coins
The Gulf of Mexico
PLUSES: Actually the Gulf of Mexico, freakin’ gigantic, virtually no limit to how many guests you can invite to pool parties
MINUSES: You have to share it with people, some of whom are presumably Mexican
PRICE: A fiver
The Jacksonville
PLUSES: Small, intimate, white, pleasingly oval-shaped
MINUSES: Small, like the size of a toilet. Because it is a toilet. What we’re talking about here is an actual toilet
PRICE: 3.50 in unmarked Deutsch Marks
