Tampa tied at third best dressed city in the country

In a study from No Fucking Way Magazine, a couple bullshit artists decided that Tampa was the third best dressed city in the country tied with Seattle. And I know you’re thinking, “Hey, he just cursed twice in the first sentence of this article, why would I want to read anything further from this potty-mouth journalist?” Hear me out. The magazine article that listed the cities was written by George Clooney. I shit you not. George Clooney thought we were the third best-dressed city in the country. Ok, fine maybe I’m making that up. Honestly, I’m gonna have to go wash my hands after writing this one, I feel a little uncomfortable. I still haven’t gotten over the cursing upfront. It’s so abrasive when people curse, up front. You’re like, “Jeez, slow down man, what is this, the circus? Jesus H.”

So anyways, Tampanites, grab your cumber buns because now that you’re officially the third best dressed city in the country, we need to live up to it! Get all your shopping done at International mall, by the airport, that’s a good place to shop. Also Westshore mall, down the road. And university mall. That’s a good one too. You ever been to Brandon mall? That’s a good one too. Aw Jeez, I mixed up my dream journal with my Tampa News Force laptop again. They don’t even look similar, I don’t know why I keep mixing them up! Must be the Peyote. It’s strong out here in Shanghai. Oh yea, I’m in Shanghai now on assignment. They want me to do some interactive profile on monkeys or something I haven’t read the full email yet. Anyways, Don’t forget to call your dad and pick up eggs.