Mayor Castor still doing cop stuff

Local TV station WFTS, Channel 28, is reporting Tampa mayor Jane Castor recently helped the Tampa Bay Police Department track down and arrest a burglar.

“After preaching for 31 years to every citizen in the community when you see something suspicious, call us up so we can go check it out,” said Castor, who served as the chief of the TPD between 2009 and 2015. “Today was my opportunity, as a citizen, to call in that suspicious activity and TPD was right on the scene.”

She then slid across the hood of her mayormobile and said “Let’s roll.”

I pointed to myself and mouthed, “me?”

And she yelled, “Yeah, you!”

So I slid into the passenger seat just before she punched the gas and peeled out.

I asked where we were going and she said, “Hold on and shut up!” As she activated the lights and siren. Within seconds, we were down by the port where a bunch of shady guys were huddled near an unmarked panel truck.

“Oh shit, it’s Jane!” Yelled one of the goons, pulling a sawed-off shotgun from beneath his overcoat and firing twice at the mayor and I.

She opened her door and rolled out as the car fishtailed to a stop, spraying dirt and gravel toward the hoods.

In one motion, she popped up into a crouch, unholstered her Colt Python and returned fire, somehow killing eight of the nine crooks in spite of the weapon only holding six bullets.

She then got up and walked slowly over to the one survivor who was mortally wounded but not dead yet. “D-damn you, Castor”, he grunted with one of his last breaths. “How d-did you know where to find us? How?!?”

Castor lit a cigarette and looked down at him. She then turned around to walk back to her car, casually tossing the lit cigarette behind her before saying, “I don’t smoke,” and continued back to the car without turning around or even reacting at all as the truck and all the dead thugs exploded behind her.

She dropped me off back at TNF headquarters before heading to The Hub to drink whiskey and interrogate some lowlifes about the ninjas who’ve kidnapped Dave Bautista. “God damn it, I hate how much I love this city”, she said as she sped off into the night.