Tampa Bay Vipers thankful to finally have sports spotlight to themselves

Now that Super Bowl LIV is over and the 2019-20 NFL season has concluded, the XFL’s Tampa Bay Vipers are in a position to draw the undivided attention of local sports fans.

“This is going to be an excellent opportunity for us to get some real traction in the community,” says Markk Gullekk, the team’s marketing director. “It’s all about getting those eyeballs on you and what you have to offer. With the NFL finally out of the way, there’s nothing to distract sports fans and we have a free, clear and unobstructed path to the consumers who will be our new fans.”

He thought for a minute, lit a cigarette and said, “I mean, the Lightning are right in the middle of their season and are playing better now than they were earlier in the season. So that’s a bit of a challenge, I guess.”

“Spring training starts in a couple of weeks, too”, he continued, as sweat formed on his brow. “I forgot about that. Sure, the Rays train way down in Port Charlotte but three teams, including the New York Yankees, possibly the most prolific and beloved franchises in sports history are right here for over a month, smack in the middle of our season.” He stopped, drew a deep breath and sighed, “The New York Yankees. Not the San Diego Padres or some other godforsaken franchise no one cares about, just the Notre Dame of Major League Baseball, that’s all.”

He immediately lit another cigarette from the one he’d been smoking previously and said, “Hey, at least the Magic are over an hour away and playing terrible. Plus, nobody really cares about USF in any sport, right? Right?? Ha ha ha!”

“So we’ll be fine. We will be just fine. We should be fine. It’s probably going to be fine. It has to be”, he concluded before softly muttering, “fuck me” to himself.