Tampa Grocery Store Preemptively Fires Every Employee Named Karen

A Tampa-area Publix has announced that they have fired every employee named “Karen” as a defensive measure in case one of them went on a racist tirade against a customer.

“We’ve seen the videos online, I don’t want that happening in my store,” said store manager Poner Bopper.  “We have a lot of J****e and N****y that shop here, and I don’t want to scare any of them away.”

Bopper spit out some chewing tobacco onto the floor of the grocery store and then commanded one of his employees to come clean it up. 

“I hate the government, but I depend on all these minorities spending their food stamp money here to keep my store as the number one in the county.” Bopper was becoming a bit too comfortable with the way he was talking to me as I asked him to explain further. “If these M*****-Headed D**** W**-Goblins don’t have the cash for something that isn’t food, I ask my cashiers to charge them double in the stamps and look the other way.” 

Bopper then got in real close to tell me another secret.

“I pay all my employees 35 hours exactly to keep them all below the full-time threshold,” Bopper said while getting tobacco chew spit all over my shirt. “That way, corporate don’t have to pay them no health care, and I get a sweet bonus as long as none of these idiots doesn’t step out of line and do something I wouldn’t like.”

I asked him to give me an example of something he wouldn’t like and Bopper got quiet for a moment before continuing, “I guess the worst thing that could jeopardize what I got here would be if the employees decided to unionize and make demands for work rights and shit.”

I nodded while remaining quiet, letting Bopper continue his speech.

“First of all, we got high school kids that want to work and won’t bitch about wearing a liberal conspiracy mask, I don’t need no Karen’s working here, we deal with enough of them at the checkout line.” Bopper spit some more chewing tobacco on the ground and snapped at the young boy wearing an apron who was following us around to wipe it up with a cleaning rag.

“Shopping here should be a pleasure for everyone,” Bopper said before swallowing the rest of his chewing tobacco and yelling for everyone to get back to work.

No word on the job prospects for the fired Karen’s and what the future will hold for them.