Posts by John Jacobs
Hangover turns out to be pregnancy
Has your hangover ever been this bad? đŤ
Read MoreIs ânepo babyâ the new N-word?
Would you be offended by this? đĄ đŻď¸
Read MoreâBeastiality nightâ at candle shop sparks philosophical debate
An event at Brentâs Candles on Martin Luther King Jr. Ave, titled, âbeastiality nightâ has sparked a debate over what is acceptable behavior, before the evening could even get underway. The get-together, labeled as âbeastiality nightâ was created to give customers time to come in and share erotic fantasy-stories they had come up with about…
Read MoreButt dial breaks record for world’s longest phone call
Tetzo Parmula, a man who was hiking through the hills of Dunedin, broke the record for worldâs longest phone call when he accidentally butt-dialed a phone-sex hotline before falling to his death off a cliff. âI could hear a little bit of movement, but it was obviously a butt-dial, we get those all the time.â…
Read MoreAction figure causes twenty million children to kill themselves
The new Super Ducky Skateboard doll has lead to the deaths of over twenty million children aged 2-17 over the course of 6 months. Ever since its release, the Super Ducky Skateboard doll has created unrealistic skateboarding standards that children just cannot replicate, no matter how hard they try or train. âThe doll is able…
Read MoreTaylor Swift, new owner of Tampa News Force, encourages people to follow Tampa News Force
Taylor Swift, famous pop-star and current artist who cancelled her Saturday night performance in Tampa, has become the new owner of Tampa News Force after deciding during the litigation against TNF, that she, âactually really liked it.â And âThought it was hilarious.â Her new feelings come only days after her initial reaction to an article…
Read MoreJeff Epstein makes appearance at Tampa Fringe Festival
Making his first appearance since his reported suicide, disgraced sex-criminal billionaire, Jeff Epstein made a surprise entrance during a Tampa Fringe Festival show. The show taking place was âIslands in the Windâ a humorous one woman show about a girl who survived life on a billionaire sex island, a satire aimed at Jeff Epsteinâs estate,…
Read MorePlacement of triangle on album cover proves secret society is controlling world
The positioning of a small, red triangle on the cover of a pop music CD is being considered proof that a secret cabal is controlling the world. âThey put the triangle there to show you!â Said Brevard Young, an avid scholar dedicated to imagery and ancient scripture. âThe triangle represents a pyramid! And the pyramid…
Read MoreTampa goes entire day without news
For the first time in Tampaâs history, the city has gone a full day without any news. âNothing happened today.â Said, Peck Bretters, Editor in Chief at Tampa News Daily. âThe phones were quiet, nobody walked through the door, it was just nothing.â Bretters sighed. âWell at least I get a story out of it!â…
Read MoreTampa goes back to being cesspool, piece of shit, town
Tampa, a once glorious city, has become overpopulated and polluted thanks to the pandemic pushing American immigrants into the city, driving up prices, diminishing resources, and overpacking land. The city is officially back to being the shit hole it once was before itâs rise to greatness. But such is the balance of nature, and once…
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