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“Beastiality night” at candle shop sparks philosophical debate


An event at Brent’s Candles on Martin Luther King Jr. Ave, titled, “beastiality night” has sparked a debate over what is acceptable behavior, before the evening could even get underway. The get-together, labeled as “beastiality night” was created to give customers time to come in and share erotic fantasy-stories they had come up with about…

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Butt dial breaks record for world’s longest phone call

Tetzo Parmula, a man who was hiking through the hills of Dunedin, broke the record for world’s longest phone call when he accidentally butt-dialed a phone-sex hotline before falling to his death off a cliff. “I could hear a little bit of movement, but it was obviously a butt-dial, we get those all the time.”…

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Action figure causes twenty million children to kill themselves

Action Figure

The new Super Ducky Skateboard doll has lead to the deaths of over twenty million children aged 2-17 over the course of 6 months. Ever since its release, the Super Ducky Skateboard doll has created unrealistic skateboarding standards that children just cannot replicate, no matter how hard they try or train. “The doll is able…

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Jeff Epstein makes appearance at Tampa Fringe Festival

Epstein Fringe

Making his first appearance since his reported suicide, disgraced sex-criminal billionaire, Jeff Epstein made a surprise entrance during a Tampa Fringe Festival show. The show taking place was “Islands in the Wind” a humorous one woman show about a girl who survived life on a billionaire sex island, a satire aimed at Jeff Epstein’s estate,…

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Tampa goes entire day without news

No News

For the first time in Tampa’s history, the city has gone a full day without any news. “Nothing happened today.” Said, Peck Bretters, Editor in Chief at Tampa News Daily.  “The phones were quiet, nobody walked through the door, it was just nothing.” Bretters sighed. “Well at least I get a story out of it!”…

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Tampa goes back to being cesspool, piece of shit, town

Tampa Hellscape

Tampa, a once glorious city, has become overpopulated and polluted thanks to the pandemic pushing American immigrants into the city, driving up prices, diminishing resources, and overpacking land. The city is officially back to being the shit hole it once was before it’s rise to greatness. But such is the balance of nature, and once…

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