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Tampa News Force

Household killers

Top 5 Common Household Items THAT CAN KILL YOU

By Clark Brooks | September 24, 2022

The world is a violent and dangerous place. Your life is in danger anytime you venture out into it. Highly contagious diseases, mass shootings, crazy traffic. Most of us experience a huge sense of relief upon arriving home at the end of the day. But that’s a false sense of security; your home is a…

Breaking News

Emergency

Immediate action needed immediately!

What are you doing right now? Well, stop it! This an emergency! All hands on deck! This is not a drill!! Seriously, what are you…

Documents

DOJ had questions about Top Secret document transportation and storage

Part of the heavily-redacted affidavit pertaining to the recent search of former President Donald Trump’s home in Mar-a-Lago indicates that the Department of Justice (DOJ)…

OJ Kanye Pete

Pete Davidson Buys Tampa News Force

By Josh Santos | September 9, 2022

Pete Davidson of SNL fame has announced plans to purchase the majority ownership of THIS PUBLICATION! [Tampa News Force] “I’ve been trying to find new things to get my mind off of the crazy stuff happening to me right now,” said Davidson during a heavy weed smoking session with current TNF owner, OJ Simpson “I…

Sports

New Bucs Helmets

Bucs excited to try out new protective headgear

When the Tampa Bay Buccaneers kick off the 2022 season tonight in Dallas against the Cowboys, they’ll be sporting new helmets, designed by the Nintendo…

White People

ESPN officially makes White People Running Around In The Yard a sport

As baseball continues to drag through the longest, least eventful part of its season, TV networks are desperate for alternatives to the only major league…

Tom's Night Out

“Boys Night Out” for Brady saves Bucs season

By Clark Brooks | September 12, 2022

With what has seemed like uncharacteristically erratic behavior from Buccaneers starting quarterback and all-time NFL great Tom Brady recently, widely speculated to stem from conflict within his relationship with his wife Gisele Bündchen, the team decided to intervene and arranged for a “boys night out” to lift Brady’s spirits and re-focus him on the 2022…

Arts and Entertainment

Top Five Secret Cruise Ship Amenities

Between the sight-seeing, the food, the pampering, the entertainment, the activities and so much more, there’s a lot to love about taking a cruise. But…

Lavatory Lector

Ybor nightclub hires lavatory lector

“BUS”, a new night club recently opened in Ybor City is introducing a customer service feature they hope will help them stand out from their…

Island BoysNT

Where are they now: The Island Boys

By Clark Brooks | September 23, 2022

Here at Tampa News Force, we like to keep tabs on our favorite celebs in a feature we call, “Where are they now: (Insert name here)”. In this week’s edition, we’re checking in with those lovable scamps, The Island Boys! What are they doing? What have they been up to since the last time we…

Government

Migrants

The State of Florida Guide on how to get rid of unwanted migrants

(Reposted as a public service on behalf of the Florida State Government as interpreted by Governor Ron DeSantis who is totally not a tyrant.) Do…

Incest

“Don’t say incest” bill passes in Florida

The Family Togetherness Act, also known as the “don’t say incest” bill has passed in Florida congress with a vote of 4-3, making it illegal…

Ron D Dick

Ron DeSantis sucks d**k to prove he’s not gay

By John Jacobs | September 21, 2022

Governor Ron Desantis has made headlines again after publicly giving a blow job to a man during his last press conference to, “prove once and for all, that I’m not gay.” After relentless cyber-bullying, accusing the Governor of being gay, DeSantis decided to take matters into his own hands by bringing a male sex-worker to…

Local and Community

Trans person not that mad about being misgendered

Trishelle Albeta, a female who was born male, was accidentally misgendered at a 7-11 attached to a Chinese restaurant in Riverview, but was not offended.…

Grandpa

St. Pete man’s correct usage of current slang annoys granddaughter

16-year-old Megyn Morton of St. Petersburg finds herself in an almost constant state of aggravation because of her grandfather Henry “Hank” Morton’s accurate usage of…

Jeters

Effort underway to preserve historic Jeter House

By Clark Brooks | September 20, 2022

Upon news breaking that the new owner of the former Davis Island home of Derek Jeter has filed a commercial demolition permit with the intent of tearing it down, local activists have launched an initiative designed to preserve the property as is. “When you think about who has lived here, the cultural and historic significance…

Household killers

Top 5 Common Household Items THAT CAN KILL YOU

By Clark Brooks | September 24, 2022

The world is a violent and dangerous place. Your life is in danger anytime you venture out into it. Highly contagious diseases, mass shootings, crazy traffic. Most of us experience a huge sense of relief upon arriving home at the end of the day. But that’s a false sense of security; your home is a…

Island BoysNT

Where are they now: The Island Boys

By Clark Brooks | September 23, 2022

Here at Tampa News Force, we like to keep tabs on our favorite celebs in a feature we call, “Where are they now: (Insert name here)”. In this week’s edition, we’re checking in with those lovable scamps, The Island Boys! What are they doing? What have they been up to since the last time we…

PizzaPistols

New Concept Restaurant Seeks to Train Child Soldiers

By Josh Santos | September 22, 2022

A new concept restaurant with a shooting range hopes to engage the next generation of second amendment rights activist. “We want to be the Chuck E Cheese of guns,” said Barbie Bellie, founder of Pistol Planet. “In our restaurant we want children to hold a gun in one hand and a slice of pizza in…

Ron D Dick

Ron DeSantis sucks d**k to prove he’s not gay

By John Jacobs | September 21, 2022

Governor Ron Desantis has made headlines again after publicly giving a blow job to a man during his last press conference to, “prove once and for all, that I’m not gay.” After relentless cyber-bullying, accusing the Governor of being gay, DeSantis decided to take matters into his own hands by bringing a male sex-worker to…

Jeters

Effort underway to preserve historic Jeter House

By Clark Brooks | September 20, 2022

Upon news breaking that the new owner of the former Davis Island home of Derek Jeter has filed a commercial demolition permit with the intent of tearing it down, local activists have launched an initiative designed to preserve the property as is. “When you think about who has lived here, the cultural and historic significance…

ParkNRide

HART Introduces New Park and Ride Bus Stops

By Josh Santos | September 19, 2022

Tampa’s public transit system is getting a facelift thanks to a set of new park and ride stations. “We want to make it easier for Tampanians to ride the bus,” said Reily Huarto, HART’s Customer Relations Ambassador. “These stations will let customers crash their car right into the bus stop shelter and hop on the…

Trans person not that mad about being misgendered

By John Jacobs | September 18, 2022

Trishelle Albeta, a female who was born male, was accidentally misgendered at a 7-11 attached to a Chinese restaurant in Riverview, but was not offended. “I get it, I look kind of like a man still, I’m not that great at make up yet.” Said Albeta, while peeling a banana and taking a large bite…

Migrants

The State of Florida Guide on how to get rid of unwanted migrants

By Clark Brooks | September 17, 2022

(Reposted as a public service on behalf of the Florida State Government as interpreted by Governor Ron DeSantis who is totally not a tyrant.) Do you have a problem with migrants infesting your neighborhood, raping and murdering you? Of course you do. Don’t bother looking out the window to see for yourself; take our word…

Incest

“Don’t say incest” bill passes in Florida

By John Jacobs | September 16, 2022

The Family Togetherness Act, also known as the “don’t say incest” bill has passed in Florida congress with a vote of 4-3, making it illegal for teachers to mention incest in any government school building. The bill which highlights issues of families struggling with incestual relationships between parents who were born brother and sister who…

Gay Book

School resource officer shoots kid reading gay book

By Josh Santos | September 15, 2022

A second grader is in critical condition today after being shot by his school resource officer while reading Lesléa Newman’s 1989 classic picture book ‘Heather Has Two Mommies’. “I was patrolling the library and saw the gay book,” said officer Frank Johnnie. “At first I was just trying to shoot the book, but the kid…