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Tampa News Force

Straight or Gay

Straight or gay – What feels better?

By John Jacobs | December 3, 2022

Sexuality is not binary. It also does not need to be permanent. It can change by how you feel on a daily basis. In this article we will put heterosexuality against homosexuality and compare the pros and cons. Straight Sexuality in the biblical sense, between a man and a woman, has been the classic since…

Breaking News

Cheese Challenged

Cheese Challenged baby in Tampa retains legal counsel

Three-year-old Chase Champlain of Tampa has hired a lawyer in order to sue his parents for physical and emotional damage he suffered in 2019 as…

JD Power

JD Power ranks Tampa Number One in human trafficking

The city of Tampa has been officially ranked as the number one city in the world for human trafficking by JD Power. Not J.D. Power…

Lost Headline

Guy forgets headline, publishes article anyway

By John Jacobs | November 30, 2022

I also forgot the article too. My boss is going to have his way with me when he sees this. But screw it, I don’t care anymore. What’s he going to do, fire me? He has nobody else! Literally! I look up and down my hallway and every office has cleared out! It’s me, the…

Sports

turkey fight

Jake Paul set to fight Obama pardoned Turkey at Amalie Arena!

YouTube internet sensation turned professional money grab boxing douche, Jake Paul has his sights set to gobble up some serious Pay-Per-View profits this holiday season.…

Reverse Hetero

Lightning to wear special edition reverse-hetero jerseys tonight

The Tampa Bay Lightning will wear their brand-new, special edition “reverse-hetero” uniforms tonight in their game against the Carolina Hurricanes at Amalie Arena. “We already…

Coach Gruden, USF

The case FOR hiring Jon Gruden as USF’s next football coach

By Lemur J. Fitzmuggins III | November 12, 2022

The other day, The Daily Stampede, SB Nation’s blog devoted to comprehensive coverage of the University of South Florida’s (USF) athletic programs, published an outstanding piece by Robert Steeg on how the idea of hiring former Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach to take over as head coach of the USF Bulls is such a ridiculous…

Arts and Entertainment

WUSF fills slot formerly occupied by ”All Night Jazz”

Following radio station WUSF’s decision to end the popular “All Night Jazz” program, which was a staple on the station for 56 years, many longtime…

Plantation Owner

Country club turns back into slave plantation

Oldsmar Country Club has officially turned back into a slave plantation after the board of directors voted to make the change. “I mean, come on.”…

Taylor and Greg

Taylor Swift tour reconfigured to make fans happy

By Clark Brooks | November 22, 2022

Following a series of mishaps with tickets being made available for Taylor Swift’s upcoming world tour, which resulted in the general public on-sale being cancelled and fans being extremely dissatisfied, Live Nation Entertainment has totally restructured the entire production and tour schedule. “Our customers have spoken out and we have heard them,” said Greg Maffei,…

Government

Kanye & The Jews

New law states Jews are allowed to call Kanye West “The N-word”

A new law passed by the shadow government court has declared that all people of the Jewish faith, (The white one), are allowed to call…

Dawn

Pinellas County School Board welcomes newly-elected totally non-QAnon affiliated member

The newest member of the Pinellas County School Board is Dawn Peters, a self-described “Florida native, a successful businesswoman and a devoted mother to two…

Wealthy

Secret society member almost gets in trouble

By John Jacobs | November 14, 2022

A rookie TPD officer is making headlines after processing Jeremiah Rothsfather, a well known high-ranking member of a wealthy, elite, powerful, secret organization. “What a rookie idiot, he had no clue!” Laughed officer Perry Ramirez, partner of the rookie officer who has asked to remain unnamed due to impending doom. “He’s going to be whacked…

Local and Community

Roller Skaters

Roller rink turns out to be bloody pit of living demon teeth

What some originally thought was a discotek roller rink has actually turned out to be a living, evil, demonic pit full of razor sharp teeth,…

Cancelled

Man famous for cancelling people gets cancelled

Donovan Menendez “Canny” Cancelero, a 45-year-old dog breeder who rose to fame by publicly cancelling people on his Etsy page has been cancelled himself after…

Curtis Hixon Park

Masturbation in public parks now legal for one hour per day

By John Jacobs | November 29, 2022

A new addendum has certified that masturbation in public parks is now legal for one hour per day, every day of the week. After a 6-3 vote by the Tampa Parks Authority, exposing sexual organs in public for self gratification is now legal from 8-9pm every night, as long as it’s within park limits. The…

Straight or Gay

Straight or gay – What feels better?

By John Jacobs | December 3, 2022

Sexuality is not binary. It also does not need to be permanent. It can change by how you feel on a daily basis. In this article we will put heterosexuality against homosexuality and compare the pros and cons. Straight Sexuality in the biblical sense, between a man and a woman, has been the classic since…

Hurricanes

Hurricanes Ian and Nicole celebrate successful hurricane season with boat parade

By Clark Brooks | December 2, 2022

Two tropical storms that impacted the Tampa Bay Area in 2022 celebrated the November 30 completion of hurricane season by participating in a victory boat parade in Garrison Channel yesterday. “They said Tampa Bay had no shot. They counted you all out yet again. They say that every year!” said Hurricane Ian, the deadliest hurricane…

Sovereign Taco Bell

Crunchwrap Supreme Court, Taco Bell launches own judiciary system

By John Jacobs | December 1, 2022

If you frequent Taco Bell you may be deemed legally, Doritos Locos, after the franchise has declared all 7,235 of its locations as sovereign nations with their own sets of laws and regulations. Sparked by citizens rising want for abortions, Taco Bell realized that if it operated as its own country, it would be able…

Lost Headline

Guy forgets headline, publishes article anyway

By John Jacobs | November 30, 2022

I also forgot the article too. My boss is going to have his way with me when he sees this. But screw it, I don’t care anymore. What’s he going to do, fire me? He has nobody else! Literally! I look up and down my hallway and every office has cleared out! It’s me, the…

Curtis Hixon Park

Masturbation in public parks now legal for one hour per day

By John Jacobs | November 29, 2022

A new addendum has certified that masturbation in public parks is now legal for one hour per day, every day of the week. After a 6-3 vote by the Tampa Parks Authority, exposing sexual organs in public for self gratification is now legal from 8-9pm every night, as long as it’s within park limits. The…

Roller Skaters

Roller rink turns out to be bloody pit of living demon teeth

By John Jacobs | November 28, 2022

What some originally thought was a discotek roller rink has actually turned out to be a living, evil, demonic pit full of razor sharp teeth, swallowing and killing anything that interacts with it. Why it was confused as a roller rink is not clear. “It doesn’t look like a roller rink, who said this was…

Meaningless

Scientist proves that the universe is effectively meaningless

By John Jacobs | November 27, 2022

Professor Brett Powers, an astrophysicist currently teaching at Brown University has published a series of findings which have virtually rendered the universe meaningless, and humanity as, “inconsequential.” The papers follow various people’s daily lives and conduct surveys of their moods and how actions affect their realities and the world around them. After a 3-year study…

Cancelled

Man famous for cancelling people gets cancelled

By John Jacobs | November 26, 2022

Donovan Menendez “Canny” Cancelero, a 45-year-old dog breeder who rose to fame by publicly cancelling people on his Etsy page has been cancelled himself after word got out that he’s a necrophiliac of animals. “Donovan cancelled me for leaving an 8% tip on my Steak-N-Shake meal, so to get back at him I did a…

Woke Uncle

Woke uncle wrecks family’s Thanksgiving

By Clark Brooks | November 25, 2022

Kenneth Childress of South Bend, Indiana, ruined his family’s Thanksgiving while visiting them in Tampa by sharing his extremely tolerant and socially aware opinions during the traditional holiday meal. “Uncle Kenneth is always a handful. He just can’t help himself,” said Carl Childress, who works hard all year to keep a roof over this family’s…

Thanksgiving tough for Clearwater man with willfully limited vocabulary

By Clark Brooks | November 24, 2022

Dave Quipler, a 26-year-old man from Clearwater, struggles every year during Thanksgiving due to how he expresses himself. “It all started when I was a toddler,” he says. “For some reason, I don’t even know myself, I just said ‘Happy Assholes’ instead of ‘Happy Thanksgiving’. No real reason; just one of those dumb things little…