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Tampa News Force

Shooters

Mass shooting interrupted by mass shooting

By John Jacobs | January 27, 2023

A mass shooting that took place at Wet Willy’s Waterpark on Flankton Avenue in East Tampa was temporarily interrupted, when a second mass shooter, not connected to the first mass shooter, showed up to commit a mass shooting. Arnold Jeffries, who entered at the south entrance and began opening fire towards the lazy river noticed…

Breaking News

Krystal

Fast food marquee is speechless

The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what…

South Tampa woman gets service animal

Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in…

Shooters

Mass shooting interrupted by mass shooting

By John Jacobs | January 27, 2023

A mass shooting that took place at Wet Willy’s Waterpark on Flankton Avenue in East Tampa was temporarily interrupted, when a second mass shooter, not connected to the first mass shooter, showed up to commit a mass shooting. Arnold Jeffries, who entered at the south entrance and began opening fire towards the lazy river noticed…

Sports

Bucs win 2022 NFC South

Bucs are “champions” of the NFC South!

Following a 30-24 defeat of the Carolina Panthers today at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have won the NFC South Division…

BucsBrownFan

“Antonio Brown is a class act” claims Bucs fan who has never met Antonio Brown

Gary Sfingester of Clearwater, a self-described life-long die-hard Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan might possibly be the only such fan who still roots for former wide…

Football experts all somehow get predictions wrong

By Clark Brooks | January 16, 2023

Somehow, inexplicably, a group of football scientists all got their predictions regarding Monday night’s NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers incorrect. The expensive and highly-scientific poll was conducted prior to the game by local TV station WFTS (Channel 28) which is located directly across Himes Avenue from Raymond James…

Arts and Entertainment

Voyage

Woman reads Voyage Tampa magazine, in spite of absence of anything to do with her

Diana Mauser of Tampa made a point of picking up and reading an entire issue of Voyage Tampa magazine, even though she is not mentioned…

Speak

6 Ways white people can get away with saying the N-word

Play a character Leonardo Dicaprio, Edward Norton, Daniel Radcliffe, and many more of our most beloved white actors have gotten away with saying the N-word…

Monster Truck

Woke liberal falls asleep at the wheel, kills 400

By John Jacobs | January 21, 2023

A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over thousands of people, killing 400. Known as “The Woke Bloke,” the British-born monster truck driver, moved to the States as a child and become a bleeding-liberal, constantly championing whatever the…

Government

February

DeSantis bans February

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will…

Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater

Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me!…

TBARTA

Agency you’ve probably never heard of that never did anything calls it quits

By Clark Brooks | January 25, 2023

The Tampa Bay Area Regional Transit Authority (TBARTA), the transit authority that oversees regional transportation needs in Hernando, Hillsborough, Manatee, Pasco and Pinellas counties has voted unanimously to dissolve the organization. “Fuck it,” said TBARTA Chairman Cliff Manuel Jr. “We out.” The agency, started by the state in 2007 but not having received funding from…

Local and Community

Dunedin

Dunedin bails on the whole ‘Scotland’ thing

Following a 4-1 vote by the Dunedin City Commission last night, the city has decided to discontinue their long association with Scotland. “That’s enough already,”…

Reader

Tampa man forgets how to read

Keith Stumpler of Tampa has forgotten how to read. “I was someplace and a show was on TV in the bar. It was too loud…

Grooming

St. Pete man glad that grooming is now frowned upon

By Clark Brooks | January 24, 2023

Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that brushing your teeth, clipping your toenails and washing your hair as well as your whole body is not only a waste of time but a crime against nature,” said Glombcroft…

Shooters

Mass shooting interrupted by mass shooting

By John Jacobs | January 27, 2023

A mass shooting that took place at Wet Willy’s Waterpark on Flankton Avenue in East Tampa was temporarily interrupted, when a second mass shooter, not connected to the first mass shooter, showed up to commit a mass shooting. Arnold Jeffries, who entered at the south entrance and began opening fire towards the lazy river noticed…

DeSantis National Guard

Governor DeSantis sends National Guard to Gasparilla

By Luke McDermott | January 26, 2023

This morning, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis ordered The National Guard to the Gasparilla Festival in Tampa, citing that the foreign invaders pose a national security risk. “We don’t negotiate with terrorists,” DeSantis said while ordering the National Guard to dig a moat around the Governors Mansion. Although critics of the DeSantis Administration were quick to…

TBARTA

Agency you’ve probably never heard of that never did anything calls it quits

By Clark Brooks | January 25, 2023

The Tampa Bay Area Regional Transit Authority (TBARTA), the transit authority that oversees regional transportation needs in Hernando, Hillsborough, Manatee, Pasco and Pinellas counties has voted unanimously to dissolve the organization. “Fuck it,” said TBARTA Chairman Cliff Manuel Jr. “We out.” The agency, started by the state in 2007 but not having received funding from…

Grooming

St. Pete man glad that grooming is now frowned upon

By Clark Brooks | January 24, 2023

Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that brushing your teeth, clipping your toenails and washing your hair as well as your whole body is not only a waste of time but a crime against nature,” said Glombcroft…

February

DeSantis bans February

By Clark Brooks | January 23, 2023

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will now be 45 days long and will be known as Janmaxuary and March will also be 45 days and shall be referred to as MarchUltra,” the Governor declared. “All the…

Krystal

Fast food marquee is speechless

By Clark Brooks | January 22, 2023

The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what can you say? What can anyone say?” said Krystal manager Culver McButterburger, referring to any number of existential horror stories taking place at every waking moment. “It’s all so… just……

Monster Truck

Woke liberal falls asleep at the wheel, kills 400

By John Jacobs | January 21, 2023

A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over thousands of people, killing 400. Known as “The Woke Bloke,” the British-born monster truck driver, moved to the States as a child and become a bleeding-liberal, constantly championing whatever the…

Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater

By Clark Brooks | January 20, 2023

Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me! Don’t shoot! I am not resisting arrest. I repeat, I AM NOT RESISTING ARREST!” he shouted to Clearwater Police officers Edward Wambaugh and Joseph Conlon who were in the process…

South Tampa woman gets service animal

By Clark Brooks | January 19, 2023

Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. “I guess it occurred to him that I have a pretty easy time of it,” she said. “So he bought me a hinder monkey.” “She’s attractive and has…

Voyage

Woman reads Voyage Tampa magazine, in spite of absence of anything to do with her

By Clark Brooks | January 18, 2023

Diana Mauser of Tampa made a point of picking up and reading an entire issue of Voyage Tampa magazine, even though she is not mentioned at all anywhere in its contents, something no one has ever attempted before. “I just thought it would be an interesting read,” she said. “Maybe a fun way to learn…