DeSantis Cancels Funding for Professional Sports in Florida

Following former Rays shortstop Wander Franco being formally placed on Major League Baseball’s restricted list last Wednesday, due to charges of sexual and commercial exploitation of a minor against Franco in relation to an alleged relationship he had with a 14-year-old girl being officially filed in the Dominican Republic, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has vetoed funding for all professional sports in the state.

“We didn’t have control over how it was being given,” DeSantis said of the state’s grant budget for professional sports. “So you’re having your tax dollars being given to players like Wander Franco, which is like a sexual human trafficker where he’s doing all this stuff. How many of you think your tax dollars should go to fund that? Not very many people would do that.”

“He’s doing this because of one guy from one team who hasn’t even played with that team since last August? Seems like kind of an extreme, short-sighted, rash, ill-informed, knee-jerk reaction designed to pander to a certain small, easily-triggered segment of the constituency to me,” said Ned Teally, a front office executive with the Orlando Magic. “By the same token, it’s not like we give a shit, since it doesn’t affect us at all.”

“Yes, it’s true that there were zero dollars budgeted for professional sports in the first place because professional sports franchises are all private businesses that don’t get grant money from the government anyway, but just imagine if that wasn’t the case and you can see how this would be a meaningful statement,” said Governor’s office spokesperson Kirsten Gitfroo. “Empty ‘What if?’ scenarios like this and the whole Disney thing are kind of his non-jock jam.”