Tampa Christian Man Relieved to Not Have to Vote Anymore

Dan Blasterd of Tampa, a self-described Christian man, was relieved to find out yesterday that he won’t have to bother with the menial task of voting anymore, according to former president and current Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

“Christians, get out and vote. Just this time. You won’t have to do it anymore, you know what? Four more years, it’ll be fixed,” said Trump at a campaign rally at a rally in West Palm Beaxh yesterday. “It’ll be fine, you won’t have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians.”

“Well, praise Jesus,” responded Blasterd. “One more pain-in-the-ass thing off my plate!”

“It’s like curling in the Olympics; every four years I have to pay attention to it, even though I don’t understand it,” he added.

He said he will spend the sudden extra free time he’ll have as a result of Trump ending democracy by belonging to a church but not attending very often, loving his country even more and not worrying about there being a viable system in place where the citizenry appoint people to care for it.