Douchebags Ride HART Bus Ironically

A group of six young Channelside residents took advantage yesterday of the free bus rides being offered by the Hillsborough Regional Transit Authority (HART) to help people who have transportation challenges in the wake of Hurricane Milton, even though they didn’t need to.

Jason Hirschsquirtz, who suggested the idea, said, “this will be good for us as a way to better understand and appreciate how other cultures exist day-to-day and develop some empathy.”

“Hey, look at me! I’m a poor person! I’m getting on a bus because I have to go to the store to buy some lottery tickets, malt liquor and menthol cigarettes for all my illegitimate children! Ha ha,” said Tiffany Tifferson. “Oh yeah. This is going to be hilarious!”

“That brings up a good question, though; I wonder where these things actually go,” wondered Brad Bradlington.

“Anywhere we want,” guessed Amber Rebma. “Driver, take us to Boulon Brasserie.”

“Oh wait, I forgot we’re pretending to be poor,” she said, catching herself. “Make that Rooster & The Till instead.”

The group of acquaintances who agreed to participate in the adventure was originally supposed to be seven but one of them changed his mind and opted out at the last minute.

“I’m not sure this isn’t really rude and condescending. Plus, it’s probably really sweaty in there. I’m not getting on that thing,” said Kevin Nivek. “If I wanted to ride a bus, I’d have my mom and dad buy me one.”

“Which is how I got my degree from UT,” he added.