Attendance at Florida Gun Show This Weekend is Mandatory

Official notice from the State of Florida was issued to all citizens, informing them that they are required to attend the gun show at the Florida State Fairgrounds east of Tampa this weekend. 

“This is how you support businesses and the 2nd Amendment, both of which we hold sacred,” said Paul Triggerworthy, a spokesperson for the Florida Department of Gun Business. “We consider this a God-given privilege, whether you like it or not.”

“Lillian Mattresson, a 74-year-old retired yoga instructor in St. Petersburg is confused about the state’s order.

“I have never felt like it was necessary for me to own a gun. I can’t think of a reason why I would need one at this point in my life,” she said. “But it’s a pretty seriously worded warning and I don’t want to go to jail so I guess I’m getting one.”

“She doesn’t need to worry; we can’t require her to buy anything. It’s kind of like jury duty; she just needs to show up There’s no actual punishment for spending money at the show,” responded Triggerworthy. “But if she doesn’t, she will be visited by someone with a gun, at which point she’ll wish she had bought one and the opportunity will have passed.”