Bay Area Residents Miss Pleasant Distraction Provided by Hurricanes

As the one-two punch suffered from hurricanes Helene and Milton begins to fade into memory, Tampa Bay residents are remembering that the 2024 Presidential Election is now less than three weeks away.

“Oh yeah. That,” said Clearwater’s Kathy Glayter, sighing heavily. “I completely forgot while spending the last few days cleaning up yard waste that the real shit show was coming.”

Many people already miss the unity that existed in the wake of the storms, when political affiliations didn’t seem so divisive.

“I was punching this guy in the face for cutting me off in a gas line and I didn’t even know who he was voting for. It didn’t matter in that moment,” recalled Doug Kift of Tampa wistfully. “All I saw in him was a neighbor and that we both wanted the same thing in life.”

“Of course I had to kick his ass for that reason, but that reason alone,” he added. “That was a nice moment but I guess it’s all over now.”

“All that relentless, godawful noise made me so anxious. I was worried that my life would be changed for the worse and that it could take years to recover,” said Stephanie Gummer of Dunedin. “And then media coverage shifted to the bad weather and I was able to relax.”

“It’s time to move on, it’s time to heal,” said St. Pete’s Tom Anjerry. “And the way we do that is by going back to our normal way of life; forming judgmental opinions about other people’s individual character based entirely on the stickers they place on their cars or what color baseball cap they’re wearing.”