Skip to content

Brooksville company introduces line of healthy treats for racists


Good Neighbor Bakery, a manufacturer of snack foods based in Brooksville has announced a new line of products designed for racists trying to live a healthy lifestyle.

“Let’s face it, a lot of the people who are trying to represent the ‘master race’ aren’t exactly prime physical specimens,” says bakery manager Juff Muzzler.

“Give us cool ranch pork rinds with nacho cheez dippin’ sauce and/or give us death!’

“We need them boys out there fighting that good fight to stay in shape! With that in mind, we want to offer some healthier snack options for them. Introducing SwaSnackas and our sales mascot, Li’l Adolph!”

The new treats will have reduced sodium and saturated fats and will be produced without artificial flavors, coloring and preservatives. Many will be gluten-free.

“This is exciting news for somebody like me”, says proud bigot No Name Given. “I’m really making an effort to lower my BMI, my blood pressure and the number of minorities living in my neighborhood. Now I can do all of those things at once!”

The first items are already in production; Reich (aka rice) Cakes, KKKale Chips, White Thin Crackers and QuinoANON Mini-Muffins with or without blueberries. They would be available in stores soon, except the Hernando County Sheriffs Office has issued a preemptive warning that the sale, purchase or possession of the snack foods will be considered a hate crime and prosecuted as such.

“Yeah, distribution is going to be something of a challenge”, says Muzzler. “But we have our own, non-traditional ways of getting our things out there and spreading them around.”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54