Recently deceased conservative talk radio pundit Rush Limbaugh’s famous gold “EIB” microphone has begun a nationwide tribute tour, premiering today in Brooksville.
The microphone tour was launched shortly after a press conference on Friday during which Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced plans to lower state flags in honor of Limbaugh’s passing some time in the near future. Brooksville was chosen as the first site because it’s Brooksville.
Residents of the Hernando County town named after one of America’s greatest racists began lining up to see the now-historic artifact early this morning. The queue stretched down Jefferson Street (named after the President, not the TV show) from Bill’s Liquors, past the Florida Cracker Trading Company all the way to the Hernando Heritage Museum, which, surprisingly, is not the same thing as the Florida Cracker Trading Company.
“For me, this is like visiting Graceville”, said Edie Turnbuckle. “It gives me the opportunity to pay tribute to an artist who meant a lot to me and my ignorant and intolerant opinions.”
“He did so much for people who have virtually nothing in common with me aside from skin color”, said her boyfriend Craig McGriddle.
“He was the lone voice who dared to speak up on behalf of conservatives and conservative values. We’re the underrepresented victims in society, a true minority. There will never be another like him”, said Buffy Stroker. “Aside from Laura Ingraham, Tucker Carlson, Newsmax, Alex Jones, Ben Shapiro, Breitbart, Matt Drudge, Sean Hannity, QAnon, Bill O’Reilly, Tomi Lahren, Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck…”
“To be in the presence of this microphone is the closest thing I’ll ever experience to being near the great man himself”, said Stewie Saltwater. “So much hate and vitriol were spewed from between his thin, pasty lips into it, along with spittle containing tiny flecks of unchewed food. I’m getting goosebumps!”
“Ted Nugent’s 1962 Gibson Byrdland guitar, the ‘General Lee’ 69 Charger from ‘Dukes of Hazard’ and now Rush’s EIB mic!”, said Mike Wilbert, as he excitedly snapped photos with his phone. “By the end of the day, I’ll be able to say I masturbated to pictures of all of them!”
“Look, I get that he was a controversial figure but at the end of the day, he deserves to be celebrated as not only a patriot but also as an entertainer who created a delightful diversion for millions of people. People who find racism, homophobia and sexism entertaining”, said Sally Lampp. “Just look at this crowd!”
“Brooksville loves you, Rush!“, screamed someone near the back end of the line.