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Actual American Human Beings Express Enthusiasm for Impending Tough Times 

Regular, real-life American people are very happy with the direction being taken by the incoming Presidential administration and are giving the members of that administration regular, real-life testimonials to share with the rest of the American public, who may somehow remain skeptical about their prospects at this point. On Thursday, President-elect Trump shared a story…

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Details Emerging from Unreleased Gaetz Report

It's a party with the USAG!

Following the House Ethics Committee’s decision to not release its report on the conduct of former Florida congressman and former candidate for U.S. Attorney General Matt Gaetz, disturbing details are still coming to light about specific allegations. Among the claims being made by witnesses who testified to the committee is that Gaetz inquired in text…

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Rick Scott Invited to Throw Out Ceremonial First Illegal Immigrant

In what is largely a conciliatory gesture for being the only Florida weirdo not being considered for a cabinet position with the incoming Trump presidential administration, Florida Senator Rick Scott has been invited to throw the first illegal immigrant out of the country as part of the presidential inauguration on January 20. “We appreciate Rick’s…

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Kamala Attends Viking Funeral for Tim Walz

Following the decisive loss in last week’s presidential election, Vice President Kamala Harris attended and spoke at a Viking funeral held for her running mate Minnesota Governor Tim Walz. Viking funerals feature the deceased laid in a ship which is then set on fire, symbolizing the deceased’s journey to the afterlife. The ceremony was held…

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Tampa Man Surprised to See His Neighbors This Morning

Following the election of Donald Trump as the 47th President of the United States last night, Tim Gorp was surprised to see that his neighbors, John and Helen Burtwich, who supported Kamala Harris’s campaign, still exist. “I came outside for the first time since yesterday to get the paper and read anll about our glorious…

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