Skip to content

St. Pete man really doesn’t want to do hurricane prep

Messy Yard

Eddie “Earl” Scrugglins of St. Petersburg doesn’t want to clean up his yard in advance of Hurricane Ian making landfall somewhere on the west coast of Florida either later today or early tomorrow, because he doesn’t think he should have to. “That’s exactly right; I don’t think I should have to”, he said. “All this…

Read More

Hurricane Tips for New Tampa Residents

Tampa Bay has experienced record growth in both population and cost of living this year. In light of that, here are some wonderful tips for the newcomers and carpetbaggers occupying Free Tampa. Do Not Evacuate. If you do evacuate, Hurricane Santa won’t bring you any guns. It’s just wind. Take a brisk stroll outside, or…

Read More

3 Signs You’re Not Ready for a Hurricane

Ready For A Hurricane

As hurricane season rears up again, it’s good to know if you’re ready for a hurricane or not. Here are 3 signs you may not be ready. 3. Your legs are exposed If you’re wearing shorts, or walking around in just underwear, you are not ready for a hurricane. Your legs will get wet and…

Read More

Plant abuse up among Tampa Bay residents

Covered Plants

The recent cold weather has exposed inhumane treatment by Tampa Bay residents. Tampa Bay plantologist, Shelbert Herring, noticed people covering their outdoor plants with blankets. Herring remarked “this is only the first step. We can’t forget about the pillows. What about also offering them some hot cocoa?” “Covering your plants with blankets without pillows can…

Read More

Tampa boot enthusiast annoyed by unseasonably warm weather

Boots

Valerie Brun, who lives in the VM Ybor neighborhood of Tampa, is severely aggravated that the weather is hampering her annual enjoyment of her favorite footwear: cute boots. “This is ridiculous,” she said in an exasperated manner, gesturing to all of the outdoors. “It’s supposed to be Christmas time and it’s 85 degrees out. That’s…

Read More

Tampa heat forces citizens to consider moving back to New York

Hot

Record high heat waves have been effecting Tampa residents mental health, causing them to consider moving back to their hometowns of New York. “I didn’t come down here for this.” Said Ben Pigeon. “New York is the greatest city in the world, best place on earth hands down, but I’d prefer to spend most of…

Read More

Tampa Bay meteorologists file class action suit against Elsa

Meteorologists

Tampa Bay’s television meteorologists are joining together to sue Tropical Storm Elsa, which recently passed through the area. The class action suit, brought by WTVT’s Paul Dellegatto, WFLA’s Steve Jerve, WTSP’s Autumn Robertson and WFTS’s Denis Phillips claims that Elsa has damaged their professional credibility and has severely hampered their ability to perform their duties…

Read More

Tampa woman’s constitutional rights infringed

Stormy Skyway

Belinda Kneater of Tampa doesn’t understand why she’s not allowed to hang out at the top of the Sunshine Skyway as Tropical Storm Elsa rolls through the area tonight. “My body, my choice, right?”, she said. “Well, my body chooses to drive up to the top of the Sunshine Skyway, park, and eat hot dogs…

Read More