Weather
Weather feels too good to be true: Citizens suspicious
The weather in Tampa has been very pleasant recently, and citizens have become suspicious. “It’s not scorching hot every day, and it hasn’t been raining too much, something is off.” Questioned Mary Baker, long-time Tampa resident. “Usually it doesn’t feel like this. Every year the weather changes, but not like this. It feels like I’m…
Read MoreHurricanes Ian and Nicole celebrate successful hurricane season with boat parade
Two tropical storms that impacted the Tampa Bay Area in 2022 celebrated the November 30 completion of hurricane season by participating in a victory boat parade in Garrison Channel yesterday. “They said Tampa Bay had no shot. They counted you all out yet again. They say that every year!” said Hurricane Ian, the deadliest hurricane…
Read MoreAlternate universe Denis Phillips advises Tampa Bay residents to freak out over Tropical Storm Nicole
As the east coast of Florida braces for impact from Tropical Storm Nicole, which may become a Category 1 hurricane before making landfall and is expected to have a relatively minor effect on the Tampa Bay Area, Bizarro Denis Phillips, a meteorologist from an alternate dimension, is advising residents to freak out. Denis Phillips, the…
Read MoreHurricane winds pulled over for breaking speed limit
“This headline is funny but the storm is already over.” Said John to himself in his head. “I could have written it at the time, in the moment of the storm, but I wasn’t creatively motivated.” The voice continued. “I need to be feeling creative and be in a good physical and mental headspace before…
Read MoreTampa man stealing utility worker valor
Dale Lipshaw of Tampa is driving around town in an old utility truck, trying to fool people into thinking he’s working to restore services to people impacted by Hurricane Ian. “That’s not entirely true,” he said. “I haven’t told anyone I work for a utility company. I do own this truck, and I did recently…
Read MoreBay Area leaders relieved… but maybe a little disappointed
As Hurricane Ian shifted east and south, Tampa Bay Area civic leaders expressed relief, advice for residents to remain vigilant and a little bit of disappointment. “Obviously we’re glad that once again it appears we have avoided the worst of what is a catastrophic storm, but our thoughts and prayers go out to the people…
Read MoreSt. Pete man really doesn’t want to do hurricane prep
Eddie “Earl” Scrugglins of St. Petersburg doesn’t want to clean up his yard in advance of Hurricane Ian making landfall somewhere on the west coast of Florida either later today or early tomorrow, because he doesn’t think he should have to. “That’s exactly right; I don’t think I should have to,” he said. “All this…
Read MoreHurricane Tips for New Tampa Residents
Tampa Bay has experienced record growth in both population and cost of living this year. In light of that, here are some wonderful tips for the newcomers and carpetbaggers occupying Free Tampa. Do Not Evacuate. If you do evacuate, Hurricane Santa won’t bring you any guns. It’s just wind. Take a brisk stroll outside, or…
Read MoreIrony of Lightning opening 2022-23 preseason against Hurricanes lost on no one
The defending NHL Eastern Conference Champion Tampa Bay Lightning are scheduled to open the 2022-23 season with an exhibition game against the Carolina Hurricanes at 7pm tonight at PNC Arena in Raleigh, North Carolina. The two teams were supposed to meet again tomorrow at 7pm at Amalie Arena here in Tampa, but that has been…
Read MoreBrewery Explosion Causes Beer to Rain Down on Certain Parts of Largo County
An explosion at the Hidden Sun Brewery in Downtown Largo momentarily caused beer to rain down over certain parts of the fourth largest city in Tampa Bay. “I was strolling with my baby on one of the 640 acres of park land in Largo when the rains started coming in,” said Shannon McBeel, a new…
Read More