Finding the Right Bus Bench: a Three-Step Guide for Lawyers

So you’re a lawyer now. Congratulations! 

You worked hard to get here and now it’s time to get your slice of that sweet slip-n-fall pie.

The first logical step in attaining that goal is to get yourself a nice bus bench on which to put your name, face, phone number and web site. But you can’t just rely on some marketing firm to do that for you; you need to be selective and get the RIGHT bus bench. 

We’ve put together this handy guide to help you do that.

Step 1: Location – You don’t want your bench in a “nice” neighborhood because “nice” people aren’t going to hire you. Luckily, you don’t have to worry about that because we’re talking about bus benches and “nice” people don’t ride the bus so there are no bus stops there. That said, you don’t want a bench in a neighborhood that’s too “not nice” because those people aren’t going to hire you either. You want a neighborhood where the residents see a lawsuit against a store or employer as a career plan. Wanting but not desperate.

Step 2: Amenities – Don’t get one that’s too comfortable – easy to sit on, or worse sleep on. People want to sit and sleep on those and that’s going to make it hard for passersby’s to see your face and website URL when their ass is planted there for hours at a time. For the same reason, avoid benches that provide shade or shelter from bad weather. You want people to look at your bench and move on, not loiter.

Step 3: What it’s made of – Avoid wood or any other porous material. You’re going to want something that’s easy to clean when somebody pisses, shits, bleeds and/or pukes on your picture because that’s going to happen. 

From here, you’re on your way. Don’t forget your pals here at TNF when we get sued by some dumbass and need to hire someone like you.