Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet

Effective immediately throughout the state of Florida, sitting in the front seat of your car and complaining about something is illegal unless you’re using your phone to record it and share it on the internet.

“The line between being a content creator and a random weirdo having a breakdown is pretty thin so we wanted to clearly define it so everybody knows who’s who and what’s what,” said Sue Bumwash, a spokesperson for the Florida State Department of Whipping Out New Laws Without People Voting For Them. “One is a beloved online personality entertaining their tens of followers and the other could be someone on the verge of snapping and shooting tens of innocent victims. We’re going to monetize one and punish the other.”

“Well, this is bad news for me,” said Jeff Clurgh of St. Petersburg. “I’m under a lot of pressure at my job and sitting in my car before and after work and just venting is how I deal with it sometimes.”

“I guess I’m opening an Instagram or TikTok account or something so I don’t get fined or whatever,” he added.

“Oh, there will be no fines or jail time or anything like that,” said Bumwash. “Law Enforcement Officers will be authorized and encouraged to shoot on sight. We’re looking to increase justice, not bureaucracy.”

“If it turns out that anybody is shot mistakenly while actually creating video, that’s the kind of content that catches views, so everybody wins,” she said.