Great Outdoors Initiative Signals Big Changes for Florida’s State Parks

The Florida Department of Environmental Protection (FDEP) unveiled the 2024-2025 Great Outdoors Initiative last week, proposing the addition of more recreational amenities at state parks across Florida.

“Florida’s state parks have had it pretty easy for a long, long time,” said FDEP spokesperson Mark Squirtzer. “All they do is sit there. It’s about time they chipped in and helped make Florida great again.”

“Think about it, what can you really do at a state park? Walk around and look at trees and birds and shit? Boring,” he said. “And worse, not fully monetized.”

The announcement has raised concerns among environmental groups.

“They need to chill their tits,” said Squirtzer. “We’re not talking about paving them over. We’re just going to add some added value entertainment opportunity features, such as resort-style hotels, golfing, pickleball courts, and disc golf courses. That’s all.”

“And then maybe cornhole, putt-putt, flume rides, ax throwing, movie theaters, ziplines, rollercoasters, escape rooms, a couple of Buc-Ee’s eventually, but that would absolutely be it. Nothing else,” he said.

“Oh, and go-karts. There will definitely be go-karts,” he added. “We have a very special request from someone of considerable influence in state government to include go-karts.”